i want to listen ➵ bokuto koutarou

2.

    never knowing is a concept that many people will never know. this is because "never" is something that almost never becomes. it's an ironic statement that bounces around my mind often. humans have the ability to learn and grow, to enhance their abilities. while you may have not known how to calculate advanced trig functions in the first grade, you will one day. perhaps you didn't know what the burn of cold air or the glisten of snow looks like until you travel to a colder climate. and that day may come with ease or with errors, but for everyone it comes. everyone is taught how to learn, to advance, to flourish. however, for me, the idea of never knowing is something that i know well. it is individualized to me, for i have been the only of my peers to never understand these conceptualized ideas of music and birds chirping in the early mornings and simply the sound of someones voice. something so simple as if someones voice sounds this way or that is so familiar to everyone but me, and i so very wish i wasn't a foreigner. 

    i so very wish i could hear his voice. 

     scratching my pencil against my desk that already has years of wear and tear. dents and scrapes line the edges of the faded wood, the wood which i am scraping against to create a map of rivers and roads. each indent trails off jaggedly as if to tell me that there are hundreds of paths that i could follow, and i just need to choose one. the graphite from my pencil gets stuck in the edges of my fingernails, my attention focusing on scratching it away. that is, until a hand lands on my desk.

    anybody else would have been startled, but i was merely confused. my eyes travel up the arm to the face of the boy who sits next to me. looking as if he has just arrived to class, perhaps he ran a marathon on his way here, as his tie is still undone, shirt is untucked, and hair is left down. before i know it, his mouth is moving at speeds i can't comprehend. leaning over my desk he turns his head towards the window text to me and continues to babble away.

    his eyebrows are creased and his eyes are squinted, his mouth turned into a frown. he's frustrated, going on a morning rant about something beyond me. golden eyes form mere slits as they flick down to my desk. his hair frames his face, a puff of air exits his mouth as i can see his hair flitter into the air for a moment before falling back down. i remain still, although i wish i could console him I'm not sure what the boy needs. it might be easier to go find his friend, the second year with the curly black hair, as he usually is good with dealing with kou's tantrums. however, with a look at the clock, there is only a few minutes before the bell rings. 

    i meet the boys eyes again and his frown grows. his hands fly up, once again bursting with anger. this time, i can piece together what he means. a hand flies to the clock, to his hair, and to his tie. more words continue to fly from his mouth, but i ignore trying to read his lips to focus on understanding his predicament. the clock: considering class starts in two minutes and he got here two minutes before hand, he must have been running late to school. his tie: kou doesn't usually wear a tie, perhaps he ran out of time this morning trying to figure out how to tie it. his hair: he also probably did not have enough time to do his hair. and while he may be embarrassed that its not up in its usual swoop, i think it looks quite good down. 

    the boy continues to ramble as i get up from my chair, not taking notice of my presence now standing next to him. i tap on his shoulder, lightly, but enough for him to take notice and turn his front towards me. his rambling suddenly stopped, head cocked to the side in surprise. i had always been the listener, never the, "i have something i need to say". because i didn't. 

    my hands move to his tie, still laying haphazardly around his neck. grabbing at the ends i cross them over one another and loop them around, in my own attempt at tying it. when i was young, my father had asked me to tie his tie for him before work a few times. though, that was years ago, and my knowledge of it has become hazy. once i finish, i can tell where the imperfections lie. the front and back are far to even and the knot close to his neck doesn't look the right shape,  however i nod at myself for at least trying. next, im on my tiptoes, reaching up to the lanky boys locks. i run my fingers through the ends a few times, before gathering most of it on top. taking the rubber band on my wrist, i wrap it around his hair leaving it in a small pony. some of the shorter peices fall down to his neck, but upon inspection, it looks good. 

    as my eyes travel back down to his face, i can see his eyes that are plastered wide open and his cheeks which are stained red. his mouth is also opened lazily in surprise. upon realizing how close im still standing to him, i take a few steps back and grin at him in the hopes he will realize my objective: to cheer him up. 

    however, im interrupted by all of my peers rushing to their desks, to which i can only assume the bell has rung. i begin to move back to my chair but two hands on my shoulders stop me in my place. im swung back around to face the boy who sits next to me, who opposing his previous emotions, looked overjoyed. his eyes gaze into mine with such ferocity that i feel as if i need to lean back, but his hands keep me where i stand. 

    his mouth moves to talk, and i worry that i will be again confused by what he's saying. and with the look in his eyes, it seems like it is important. however, all of my worries were in vain, as what came out of his mouth next he said slowly enough for me to read. 

    "thank you!"

------------

a/n: okay so first of all i hope you all enjoyed. i really enjoyed writing this chapter and i hope i continue too! this one took a little bit to come out because, since there's no dialogue, i try to make it more descriptive. 

    as always, comment what you think and vote if you enjoyed <333