Goodbye sherlock

Chapter one

Chapter one-

"JOHN!"
John jumped up from his bed and ran down the stairs to where Sherlock was currently laying on. Breathless with fright John quickly searched Sherlock to access any damage, when she saw none he simply raised s brow at him. Sherlock sighed and simply said "you've been sad." John blinked several times, speechless.
John said nothing, and sherlock, although pretending to act nonchalant about everything, noticed the slight tension in Sherlocks shoulders. "Why should I be sad?"
Because you're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
John tried his best not to flinch and walked to the kitchen to set the kettle to boil. "John, you've been very quiet lately, more so then usual, and quite honestly I can see that your sad, the way you never want wake up, your sluggish movements, is something the matter? Have I offended you?"
John, paying attention to Sherlocks words, had not noticed that he had put sugar in Sherlocks tea; when Sherlock tasted it, his face scrunched up slightly "John... I don't like sugar" John mentally face palmed himself and muttered out a quick sorry and stared at the tiles, which had become ver interesting
Wow. You can't even make a cup of tea right? Jesus, can you be any more disappointing?
"Sherlock... Do you like me?"
Of course he doesn't! Who would?
Sherlock fluttered his eyelashes in confusion "John I thought it was obvious"
He's lying, why would he care for you?
Full of doubt, john looked at the clock, 20 min. Before he had to leave to work, he sighed and stood to walk to his room, sherlocks eyes following him, trying to deduce what could be the matter with John. He had always been depressed, although sherlock never knew, but when he entered Sherlocks life, the nagging voice grew dimmer, but, as of late, the voice had grown more continuous and hardly left him alone. Even in his sleep he saw sherlock laughing at him with moriary or with Molly and lestrade.
His depression had grown when John figured out that he was gay, and to make things worse, he had fallen in love with sherlock.
How could he ever love you?
Sherlock would surely be disgusted, even more when he knew that John loved him in particular. He was certain he would have to leave and never see sherlock again, and he knew he couldn't live with that. Sherlock was the only good thing left in his life.
How pathetic, depending on someone else, who would've known you were a soldier
Johns thoughts had been progressively turning worse and worse, so much that he often contemplated taking his own life.
After all, who would miss you?
Mrs Hudson?
She's your landlady, as soon as you die, she'll be selling your room.
Lestrade? Molly?
They only likes you because you hang out with sherlock
Mycroft?
He just likes you because your his little brothers flat mate
....Sherlock?
He only needs you for experiments and to buy milk. Don't be silly, no one wants you, no one needs you. If you were to die, no one would realize you were gone.
John had gone in his room and was currently lying in bed. John whimpered, if no one cared for you, did you even really exist? He didn't even realize he had been crying till he curled up into a ball and found his pillow wet.
Pathetic.
John decided to not go to work, after all, no one would notice stupid John was missing. He walked into his bathroom and stared at his reflection: red rimmed, bloodshot eyes, dark bags under his eyes and his untamed hair sticking out in all directions.
John was sick of his reflection staring back at him, his hideous unlovable face, which no one could ever even look at with affection. The one person he loved hardly even gave him a second glance. John felt as though he couldn't breath, he felt as if the walls were closing in on him and decided he need to go on a walk quick.
He shoved his pistol and phone into his pockets, you never knew when you might meet up with a potential enemy.
He ran downstairs, grabbed his coat and ran out not wanting sherlock to see in what state he was.
After approximately 30 min of wandering around and thinking to himself, John had decided to tell sherlock the truth once and for all. He decided that moving out now could save him from more hurt then later. He needed to come clean and tell Sherlock he loved him.