Reggie's Sister

Going back

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Once the room was clean, I decided to finally get out of his room. I needed to check up on my parents and tell them that I'm still here. They probably worried about me but before I went to go say hi. I went to my room to get my clothes on and long sleeves so they couldn't see my cuts. I didn't need them worrying about me and besides, they don't really know about my cutting or mental problems. They think that I got better but I didn't (I never was better). As I walked down the stairs, I felt eyes stare at me. They were my parents. I could see their eyes light up when they saw me. They looked happy or at least as happy as you could be with a dead son.

We didn't say much to each other but instead, we just cuddled with each other until my dad said we should go out to eat. It almost felt like we were normal again but I knew we weren't. We all looked kinda ruff and like we haven't eaten in days. It's kinda hard to see your parents cry or look like they got hit by a bus. I kinda wish I didn't yell at them the night that Reggie died. I know it wasn't their fault and they were just trying to help. They were probably worried about me.

After we ate, we went back to the house. Everything was so quiet. There was no loud yelling, guitar playing, laughing, music, or jokes. There was just silence. It kinda hurt, to be honest. I wish he was here. I wish he could help me and tell me jokes or play his music. He loved his music and yes he played with his band but he also had a dream to one day have a country album. We did write some music for it but he mostly focused on his band. They were his best friends and they always made him happy. I was glad the day they started to play together. They were his second family and he loved them.

I just wish they got the chance to live their dream. To show everybody who they were. I haven't even really done anything. I mean, of course, I'm feeling a bit better but it hurts to lose someone. Especially when that someone is someone you actually really cared about. When that someone helped you in times of need and actually loved you. Then once they leave, you just go blank and everything seems darker. Like there is no light in this world or no point in life.

My mom and dad told me I would have to go back to school but I really don't want to. I don't want to see Rose or receive pity looks. Like what do they think that's going to do??? All it does is reminds me that he's dead and that he's never coming back. Mentally I'm not ready for that. I mean, I've been getting better, I started sleeping in my own room, taking showers, eating, and talking a bit. However, deep down I feel numb (because as long as I say the right thing or do the right thing they think they've cured me right??? Wrong!!!) Nothing is going to get better.

It's only been 2 weeks and we're planning on having the funeral in a week. I really don't want to go because I don't want to break down again but I know he would want me to be there. I feel like everyone wants me to just stop overreacting and suck it up but I can't. Why can't I just keep on living in the past??? Why can't I be happy again??? Why did he have to leave???

When I woke up on Monday, I went to Reggie's room completely forgetting that he's not there. I would always wake him up to go to school but today I didn't have to. He would never have to wake up to go to school ever again (lucky). I decided to dress up today. I always liked Reggie's style but I didn't want to look like I was stealing it (I totally was).

This is the outfit-

After I got changed, I decided to eat some breakfast before I headed to school. Once I finished, I grabbed my skateboard and rode to school. Even though I loved music. I like to skateboard even more which everyone thought was weird. I used to play music with Reggie but I wasn't great. He taught me how to play and we would write music together. We both like country but from the way he dressed, you could never have known that. When we were younger, me and him would perform for our parents. I was the singer and he would play guitar (also background vocals). If I say so myself, I think we did pretty good.

Entering the school was probably the worst feeling ever. Everyone just stared at me. I didn't hear them but I'm pretty they were talking about me. When I got inside, I went to my locker. It hasn't been opened in weeks. I forgot how crowded and annoying people were. I was hoping I didn't run into anyone I really knew but when I was on my way to class, I felt a hand grab my wrist. When I turned around, I saw Rose looking at me with a confused/sad look.

I just wanted to be left alone and I really didn't want to talk to Rose. I hate expressing my true feelings (it's hard for me to do). Rose also reminds me of the day my brother died and I don't need that right now. So I broke free from her grip and walked to class. School went on as usual (boring). There were a lot of people that started at me most of them having a sad pitiful look. Why can't they just mind their own business??? Even the teachers would give me that look like can't you see that I don't want your pitifulness. All I want is my brother. I want to hug and talk to him. Tell him everything and for him to tell me it's all going to be okay.

I regret so much on the day he died. I wish I was there when he died. I wish we could have said our goodbyes. I wish I could have told him I loved him. I just want him back. Sometimes I look at the world and only see chaos but when I was with Reggie he showed the world could be bright. That there are things to live for and you can find happiness in the smallest things but my happiness was him. My happiness is gone so what do I have to live for???

Thanks for reading!!!!! Also please vote if you want :)

This chapter is 1173 words kinda short