Love kills slowly....

Why?

What is it life has got against me? 

Did I break some ones heart and they put a curse on me or is just having a girlfriend not meant for me? All these questions circled round my head as I read the text over and over again. Trying to comprehend what it said.

"I'm sorry Jake, your a really great guy and such a sweetie but I can't go out with you anymore. Don't worry, you will sweep a girl off her feet one day. Just....it's not me.  

Ashley"

I threw my phone across the room and crashed face down on my bed. They all said that. They had all said I would make a really good bf or husband or what ever you want to call it. It was still rejection in the end. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one for self-harm or depression or anything. I wasn't even heart broken. I guess after ten or how ever many relationships I had been in you just learn not to feel pain.

I got up and grabbed my phone and plugged it into the speakers I had set up behind my bed. I flicked through my playlists and selected the one entitled "rock". It had all my favorite bands and they were pretty much the only ones who would understand my predicament like I did. I don't know why but I have always felt the need to be involved with a girl in some way since I was little. Maybe it has something to do with how my mum and dad never really loved each other. And I feel the need to love some one so I don't end up like the lying dirt bag of a farther I grew up knowing. I dunno and I'm not about to go all Dr Phill on myself to figure it out.

I had been in relationships since a young age and had my first kiss at 8. I say "relationships" because some fall Into the grey area where friends become more than friends but not a bf/gf situation. But, I digress. I still can remember all of the names of the girls I had been involved with. Some more than twice. Yeah yeah, I broke the ex rule of never going back. But could you blame me when I hardly ever was the one who broke it off in the first place?

I felt my phone vibrate and glance down to see another text from Ashley asking if I was okay and if I could please reply. I flicked her a quick text saying I was fine and I totally understood as well as asking if we could still be friends. Yeah sure, criticize me for the cliche but I did genuinely mean it. She was a amazing person who always managed to make me smile when I felt the worst. Kinda one of the many things I liked about her... I had been going out with Ashley for four weeks. Pitiful, I know. Probably why I wasn't so heart broken.

I was just sad that I had some how ruined another great relationship with another amazing girl. After all I must have done something wrong for her to dump me? Why all of them seemed to find some fault with me to break up with me. It had even started becoming a joke between all of my family and friends. "Oh look Jakes got a new gf, shot on ya mate!" Nek minute "oh damn...you got dumped again? I'm so sorry for you bro.." Is how the usual jibe went.

They would all laugh and I'd laugh along with them. Hey, what else am I supposed to do? No point being miserable when you could just laugh it off, am I right? Corse I am lol. I'm Jake Duncanson, Jake the future Peter Jackson, the future Steven Spielberg. Film maker extraordinaire!!! Buhahahahaha yea I know. I can be a little OTT some of the time...sue me lol. This is my story of my search for either total player expertise or the perfect teenage romance. As to which one it is, I guess we'll find out as we go along, wont we?

J.D.