A series of adventures with Lucifer and his brothers. Featuring big titty anime bitches and Captain jack sparrow.
When I wrote this I was not in my right mind yet I thought why not lose the 5 followers I do have. #diavoloandluci :)
I'm turning this...
The shrek bus was Uber slow but we'd established our beds by now so at least we had that going for us. Diavolo was in charge of the music and Mammon was already crying at the soundtrack and had been for an hour or so. Leviathan was listening to his own music through headphones and Satan had stuffed earplugs in so he could read without distractions and for a moment I wished I had packed a book.
"Lucifer are you still mad at me?" I asked
"A little bit yeah, I mean come on y/n how many times is Diavolo gonna get hurt because of something you have done?!" Lucifer said, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.
"I know, I know" I say shamefully
"I really am sorry Luci"
"Don't tell me...tell him!" Lucifer thrusts a finger in Diavolo's direction and I notice he is sitting quietly, glancing out the window.
I sigh. I need to talk to him.
I steadily get up from my seat beside Luci and approach Diavolo In my head I'm secretly planning what I'll say to him but since he's only a few steps in front of me because we are in a tiny fucking shrek van I don't have much time.
"Hey D" I say to him, hoping using his nickname will soften him up before my main speech.
"Don't call me that y/n"
"Okayyyy...sorry but can we please talk"
"No"
"Oh come on Diavolo I didn't mean for this to happen" I whine, gesturing to all of his face
"Yeah? Well bloody hell y/n, every time something goes down with you I get mutilated, I mean once is an accident but three times is just fucking abusive"
He had a point, it was kind of strange that Diavolo was always getting hurt.
There was a moment of silence between us before he spoke again.
"You know I've been thinking and honestly...I don't wanna be right but I have a feeling that you target me because I'm Lucifer's ex"
It was kind of shocking to hear him say it to my face but not necessarily surprising. (If that makes any fucking sense at all)
"What n-"
He cuts me off
"Like hey I get it I'm hot and Luci still bones me sometimes but you always say it's okay because we're friends so I dunno why you can't just leave me alone...like y/n it's not like you haven't benefited from it"
I thought Diavolo was done but no, he kept opening his mouth...maybe Mammon didn't curb him hard enough.
I shake the thought from my head, although he was right Diavolo didn't deserve to be curbed any worse than he already had been.
"Lucifer has a hard time with you occasionally, you are a lot to handle y/n.."
"Hey that's not fair! You know I have mental illnesses" I interrupt him
"I know but cut him some slack, he likes you a lot because you've got one thing I don't have...anymore. Big fucking anime tits"
I roll my eyes, as if Luci was only with me because of my tots. Sure they were voluptuous but to say this was down right rude and un-called for.
"Diavolo shut up!" I shouted
The entire bus shook enough to wake up Belphie who thought there was an earthquake...Beel was shocked too but he was more interested in the earthcakes we packed.
(I should be shot for that fucking pun)
(I hate myself)
(Please come to my house and end my life my address is 99 duckbills lane Muricaafuqya)
"Don't yell at me okay! You broke my face, rendered me blind and every night you get to slap Lucifer's assss you don't get to be mad bitch!"
"GASP" Asmo said,
I turned to him and yelled
"Don't make this anymore dramatic then it already is! Sasquatch"
Asmodeus looked horrified by my anger and so did Levi because this mfker was cryin.. BITCH CRYIINN
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"That's it we have to pull over!" Diavolo yelled
"No! Keep driving Belphie!"
"Wait Belphie's supposed to be driving?"
Everyone gasped and turned to Belphegor who was fast asleep on one of the beds. Everyone simultaneously turned to the bus wheel and noticed Mammon was driving...Mammon couldn't fucking drive.
"Guyysss could you keep it down back there I'm trying to fucking drive bitch"
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Everyone was mortified at the same time but Diavolo wouldn't stop yelling
"You know what y/n! I think you need to leave!! You and you're fake ASSS TITTIESS!"
"How fucking dare you, you taint licking glue sniffing purple assholed bleached dick hair lookin piece of pansy fuck"
"That's it! I'm getting rid of you once and for all!" Diavolo launched at me and I froze in time. I couldn't move out of his way, he was practically on me already. When time returned to normal I was tackled to the ground, Diavolo was punching me in the left tit and I grabbed at his eye in self defence pulling it out and tossing it to the floor.
"You thicc fuq" He screamed
Levi was chanting in the background, Beel had explosive diarrhoea and the whole shrek bus smelled like cheese. Mammon was swerving the car and I tipped and slammed right into Diavolo. Suddenly he was standing over me about to do who knows what idk maybe t bag me but then I heard a clunk as a thicc rum bottle cracked against Diavolo's head.
his last eye rolled across the van floor and Mammon screamed.
"WE ARE GONNA CRAAAASHHHH"
I turned my head towards the road to see a massive drag Queen and next thing we knew. All was dead quiet.
