To myself

I

I once feared the silence.

It was deafening. It makes you anxious because all you can hear is your fast-paced heartbeat. It's just simply waiting for your thoughts to consume you.

I always ran away from the silence, to noise. To block the loud thoughts inside my head, screeching, begging, screaming. It was scary, drowning, consuming. I hated the silence because they always seemed louder.

But the more I tried to run away, the more I felt tired. The more I tried to ignore it, the more it haunted me.

One day, the noise stopped saving me from my thoughts. I then started fearing the noise. Because it made me lose my mind more and more.

I wasn't able to focus on anything anymore. The sharp pain on my temple became more fierce. I found myself staring into a blank space with all the noise that befuddled me to the point I felt suffocated.

I realized I needed the silence. And I sat in a silent space one night, I felt better.

With no noise distracting my thoughts, no noise confusing my mind, I can finally hear the voice speaking into my mind, soft, weeping, whispering.

It was calming, to finally hear my thoughts, to finally admit to my thoughts.

I don't fear the silence anymore. Rather I love it. It saves me from insanity.

Don't fear the silence. It is your friend. It helps you hear yourself. It helps you be sane. It helped my exhausted mind. Gave me the actual peace I tried to find from the noise.

I'm thankful to the silence. It saved me.