Ryūnosuke Akutagawa One-Shots

Ryunosuke Akutagawa - "Anger"

//angst tw//

Anger is such a hinderance. It makes you feel no better when it fades away, and holding onto it is like slowly drinking poison. It courses through your system, seeping filth and hatred through every nerve of your body.

It fills you with a prickling unease, thorny like a red rose.

Sometimes it's subtle. You can hide it with a smile but there's a seething aggression lurking behind your teeth, trying to force its way into your words like icy venom. Other times, it's uncontrollable and explosive and feels like your soul has been taken over because all you know, all you see, all you can think of in the moment of anger is hatred.

In that moment, Ryunosuke Akutagawa looked at you with those grey eyes full of hatred.

And anger, being the hinderance it is, and causing the emotional derailment it does, rendered Akutagawa vulnerable to a speeding piece of metal aimed at his chest.

You were angry too. Standing on the edge of the building, you swore you would kill this man. Earlier refusing to let him storm away you followed him to your current location to continue the argument. Another retort left your lips like a bullet shot from a gun.

He turned away, unable to look at you any longer, and as he did the aim lost its target. He stood still, motionless for a moment. Lifting a hand to his shoulder, you readied your tongue for another spiteful, hateful sentence.

But the anger in your soul dissolved when you realised his hand was glimmering red in the sunlight, liquid that could only be blood trickling down his wrist and staining his white clothing.

You had been so angry a few seconds ago. You had wanted to shoot him yourself. But as he looked up at you, that malicious glare of hatred softening into a gentle smile, every fibre of rage contorted into fear. You didn't even get a chance to question his expression as he fell.

"RYU!"  you screamed, your voice not struggling for volume but for clarity due to emotion clogging your throat. Your instincts kicked in and you lurched forward, closing a small gap, grabbing his unbloodied hand while his eyes fluttered shut.

It was close.

You fell to your knees on the edge of the building, gripping his hand for his dear life. He offered no assistance as you tried to heave his body up to safety. He was limp, the only movement being his clothing flapping against the wind. And rosy red blood dripping down his shoulder, through his sleeves and off the tips of his fingers.

You were afraid. So afraid. Your mind blurred out everything except for one thought.

I have to save him.

Adrenaline gave you a welcome boost of strength but you could feel your legs sliding forward, his weight pulling you off the edge of the building.

You just weren't strong enough.

You slid off the building, and suddenly the two of you were hurtling through the air and reaching the earth at a faster pace than you'd like. Wind whistled in your ears uncomfortably and it ripped sharply at your exposed skin as gravity pulled you with increasing speed.

Tears burned your eyes. You closed them to avoid the pain, and while that made you nauseous beyond measure you were too scared to open them again. You pulled Akutagawa closer to you mid-air and waited for your death, hiding against his chest and whispering broken apologies.

You heard loud crashing.

You heard screaming.

And then you heard nothing.

Everything... was still.

What just happened?

When you opened your eyes, you saw nothing. You were surrounded by darkness.

You couldn't hear anything still, all you were aware of was warmth wrapping around your body.

Was this what death felt like?

Someone muttered your name. Their voice was familiar, comfortable. It felt like home.

They spoke again, louder, and you began to make out shapes as the darkness seeped away. Had the darkness actually been there, or was your vision tricking you?

You squinted as your eyes came into focus. Akutagawa was looking at you. He was sideways, but the concern in his expression was impossible to miss. You realised you were the one laying sideways so you sat up, dizziness clouding your brain like static. You began to sway and two arms reached out to steady you.

"Are you okay?" he rasked. His tone was flat, emotionless despite his worried facial features.

The memories flooded back to you and your eyes widened, darting towards his shoulder. His black coat was gone, revealing his white shirt, stained a deep red that made your gut churn.

"Your shoulder," was all you could muster.

"I'm okay," he said dismissevely, but not reassuringly.

You sat in silence, concern for the other eating away at you both. You wanted to ask him so many questions. You were still figuring out how he was alive. Was he not in pain? He had just been shot in the shoulder...

"I'm sorry," you whispered, tears welling in your eyes. Your chest began to ache and you gradually hunched over, sinking towards your knees. You couldn't look him in the eyes. None of this would have happened if you hadn't followed him out to the roof and continued arguing. Akutagawa nearly died and it was all your-

"Stop."

You wiped your eyes. His jacket fell off of your shoulders. You hadn't even noticed it there, but now its absence allowed for a cool breeze to tickle your exposed back.

"Don't be sorry," he said. "I'm just glad you're okay."

He stood up and offered you a hand. You sniffled, first looking up to his feet and then straightening your posture to view his face. Struggling to ignore the red across his shirt that your eyes tried to linger on. 

You grabbed his soft hand and stood up awkwardly. You didn't feel injured anywhere, other than the emotional pain in your chest and a slight headache. 

Perhaps he used Rashoumon to save you both. Remebering the crashing and screaming, you glanced up and noticed the building that you had fallen from had long claw-like marks carved in the side.

He went to such lengths to save himself. And to save me.

Neither of you could figure out what to say, and tension filled the air like poison.

But when Akutagawa wrapped his arms tightly around you, one hand placed on your back and the other stroking your hair, all the feelings of unease disintegrated and you leaned into the hug gratefully.

The feelings of anger from earlier were completely diminished. You couldn't even remember why you were arguing, but it didn't matter now.

The hug was warm, it made your chest flutter despite the tears streaming down your cheeks. Neither of you moved for a long time, and you were both okay with that. You embraced the comfort and adoration that radiated from him. You wouldn't trade this feeling for anything. No anger or fear could live long against a hug as safe as this.

He spoke your name once, gently, but you heard. You mumbled into his chest in question.

"I love you," he said.

You smiled to yourself and listened to his heart beat. He was alive.

"I love you too," you muttered, zoning out from the voices and sirens that began to surround you.

Gratitude is such a blissful feeling. Even when the strength of it fades away, there's always a tinkling reminder that the world is not totally horrible. Your body becomes light and it makes you smile, makes you happy.

It fills you with love, like a delicate red rose.