Under the Sky of Diamonds | ✔︎ (PUBLISHED UNDER PSICOM)

THREE

I GNAWED my lower lip while fidgeting my fingers as I walk back and fort around the living room. Kanina pa ako hindi mapakali. Parang nagpaparty 'yong laman ko sa loob. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.

Tumingin ako sa orasan at mas lalo akong nakonsensiya.

It's already five in the morning but there is still no sign of him. Kanina pa siya umalis at hanggang ngayon 'di pa rin siya bumabalik. Paano kung may nangyari sa kaniya? What if he got into an accident? What if something bad happened to him?

Asan ba kasi siya pumunta? I thought that he'll be back sooner but what time is it already? Asan ba kasi nagsususuot ang lalaking iyon? At anong oras na? Wala ba siyang balak umuwi? Hindi ba niya alam na may nagpupuyat para lang maghintay sa kaniya? Kahit sana mag-text siya sa mga kasambahay namin o kahit na kanino para lang malaman namin na okay lang siya.

I tried to calm myself but as the time passed by and he was still not at home, it made me wanna punch myself. Fuck. I'm at fault for this. As always.

Nakokonsensiya ako at inaamin ko iyon. What a selfish move, Eirysia. You bitch.

Umupo ako sa sofa habang pasulyap-sulyap sa pintuan, umaasang bubukas iyon at darating siya.

I run my hands on my face as I fight my mind not to lose consciousness. I'm very tired and I badly want to sleep but my heart won't let me. Everytime I close my eyes I can always vizualize his face and it's making me crazy as hell.

Palagi na lang bumabalik sa aking isipan ang pagpatak ng luha niya. Talagang nasaktan ko siya pero gusto ko lang naman maging masaya e. Bakit ba ang hirap maging masaya? Bakit ba hindi ko makuha 'yong gusto ko?

I know, I'm held guilty. I felt really responsible for all of this, and now, I'm a little bit worried about him. Once again, I asked myself.

Asan siya pumunta? Ayos lang kaya siya? Is he spending time with another girl?

I stopped at that question when a small pang of pain shot my heart. I silently cursed myself.

Ano bang nangyayari sa akin?

Kanina rin, noong nakita ko ang pagpatak ng luha niya at ang malungkot niyang mga mata, parang sumisikip ang dibdib ko. Pakiramdam ko may sumasakal sa aking puso. It was very hard to breathe. Wala naman akong sakit sa puso 'di ba?

I scoffed when the idea of him spending his time with another girl appeared in my mind.

E, ano namang paki ko kung may kalambungan siyang iba ngayon? I mean, he can spend time with his woman as long as he wants. I don't care. I have my own business too, right?

I shook my head. Ano ba itong iniisip ko?

Mahal ko si Crinx at habang buhay iyong mananatili. I'm just worried about Xydrien because we are still married. Kargo ko kapag may nangyari sa kaniyang masama. That's all. Iyon lang, wala ng iba. Nothing more, nothing less.

I let out a deep sigh as I lay my body on the couch and took a fetus position. I hugged my knees and I pouted.

Remembering how I treated him earlier and in the past, I should have at least talked to him carefully. I know that I didn't want him but I should treat him right since he always treats me like a real queen inside his house, this house.

Lahat ng kailangan ko, binibigay niya. Lahat ng gusto ko, naibibigay niya. From bags, clothes, shoes, accessories and everything. He spoiled me, and the fact that I committed infidelity within this marriage held me guilty. He acted blind and pretended that nothing happened, as he accepted me, as his wife. He loved me with all my flaws.