Do You ever feel like you're in a movie? Like reality escapes you? Sometimes I'm walking on the street with only strangers. People who cluelessly live their lives. I see them talk with their friends. See them stop paying attention while their dog is peeing on someone's leg. Stumble and act like nothing happens. I see mothers loving their children. Old couples who are married since they were teenagers enjoying their retirement. Sometimes at those moments, it feels like time is standing still. That nothing matters, that it feels like I don't exist.
Everything happens in slow motion and I think about every move I make and every step I take. You can feel every breath and the movement your eyes make when you blink. You hear the noises clearer, you observe the people better. But it's like your mind went on a trip. To a place that doesn't exist. The personality you are, gone. The life you're living, gone. Feeling like you can do anything because you're not you.
It can stay for a few seconds or sometimes for a few minutes. But when coming back at reality, you just smile, walk away, and stop paying attention again. Go back in your shell and focus on the thing you were meant to do.
The thing about reality is that there's no ending. Only a beginning. There's no happily ever after. It doesn't end when you find your lover or when you saved the world. It doesn't end. You could disagree with me, I mean everyone dies and that could be considered as an ending but what if it's not? What if endings don't exist?
In stories and movies, the endings are laces that tie the story together. So if reality doesn't have an ending, what is the thing that brings your life together? Is it the moment you marry the person you love? Get the perfect job you always wanted? Travel the world and see all the places you always wanted to visit? Maybe, but we never know until we know it's our end.
The world is a strange place where some creatures became very smart and rule the world as the society we are now. 7,594 billion people, all with different opinions, different perspectives, different races. Everyone trying to survive, reproduce, and live. There are beautiful moments, moments of regret, difficult moments, moments of grieve, and moments of destruction. It's real.
Being real is scary because it makes you feel things. Emotions are what make us human. It's our biggest strength but also our greatest weakness. That's why sometimes I just want to be in a movie. Where there is an ending. Where you know exactly how your life is going to be and which emotions you're going to feel with it. I daydream about the stories I put up in my head. Think about every scenario that could happen to the characters I created. In the end, I always wished I would be one of them. Not because I like them or because I don't want to be myself, but to escape reality.
Reality terrifies me. I'm never sure what my story is going to be. How much joy I will feel. How many grieve I will feel. If I will fulfill my dreams. If I ever get the ending I want, if there is even one. All we can do is accept it. Accept that we can't plan our life and even know it's hard sometimes, live in reality. At the end of the day, that's what's real, and if it's real it means you are alive.
