The narrow way.

Let there be light.

     Life, what is life anyway? A set of predestined circumstances that define who you are? Or is it a field of random situations that you happen to miraculously be part of? We are born without choosing to be and we die not knowing when it will happen. Yet some choose to rejoice in the luxury of being without even questioning why they are present in a world that seems to darken by the day. 

     Nate is the name that has been given to me, born on April xx 19xx, by parents I didn't even choose.  My life was perfect, or at least it seemed. Until the day one of my classmates challenged my belief systems with a piercing yet innocent question; are you happy? I could have answered yes, but what is happiness? What defines the status of happiness? Material possessions, family, friends, high self-esteem- or none of these things. It felt like a meteorite, like an oversized question mark had entered the earth's atmosphere and was right on top of my head; the ground in which I was standing seemed to melt. I was sinking. For the first time, I did not know what to think. This is my story.

{One week later, in my bedroom}

The sun is obliterating my face, with its kind, lovely touch. Who says that when one is in deep thought it's supposed to rain. So here I am, laying on the hot wooded floor of my bedroom, bathing in sunlight; an army of books surrounding me.  

A knock comes from my door, and it slowly creaks open. The ghostly appearance of what seems to be a face finds its way through the small opening with surgical precision. Suddenly I notice glitching by the door frame and in flashes a set of newly painted nails.

[my heart skips a beat]

"Yes, mom?" 

"Can you pick up your sister today, I have to pick up dad at the airport."

Looking at her upside down, I notice the excitement in her eyes. It feels like all her body is glowing.

"You look nice, aren't you too excited?  You don't even try to hide it."

"Oh, thanks," she says while smiling, "you know dad is coming home. so..."

"Got it, mom, you guys are so weird, I will go."

"Thanks, Nathinou."

"Nooooo! Please stop you weirdo."

{she leaves smiling} 

Lifting my left hand, I block out the sun's invasion of light on my face. I notice in the corner of my eye, hidden underneath the bookshelf, a book spying on me. It feels like the book wants me to take it out of the darkness and once again let it experience what it feels like to be open. Unfortunately, my hands give up on me. The will of saving the book out of its miserable fate leaves me. I look down at the book and sigh.

"Later buddy, you probably have friends down there."

[The car engine turns on]

"Mom!"

I scream as I stand and rush downstairs, but I miss a step and crash into my pillows while I slide all the way down.

"Mom!" I yell. "Mom!"

Rushing to the garage, I enjoy the pain of roller-skating with a boy's worse nightmare; "barbie". I experience the pleasure of having my knees shatter on the floor, which awakens pure hatred in my spirit.

 "Barbie!" I scream. 

I am filled with rage; it feels like today is the worst. I was getting ready to kick the doll when suddenly I remember that this was my sister's favorite toy. I rise once more from the ashes and keep walking towards the garage, only to discern that the car is empty.