like a habit, i endlessly call your name.
i'm sorry.
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i open the windows. it's a fine morning. i take off my pajamas and put something comfortable.
"hi, wonwoo." a groggy voice called out to me. i turn back and see it's my roommate seokmin. "hi, seokmin. did you sleep well?"
"no. you were mumbling something again. kinda disturbing if you ask me." i take a deep breath and stood infront of him. "i'm sorry."
"it's fine. in fact, it made me wake up early today. let's go?" seokmin gives me his hand and a smile and i felt reassured once again. i take his hand and we walk through the streets, swinging our intertwined hands.
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it's the library. my favorite place. i remember you said you hated this place 'cause it was so quiet. but i remember that you said it became your favorite place now. because of me.
good times. how i wish it would last.
"earth to wooie?" seokmin waves his hand in my face. "wooie?" i say and seokmin nods his head. "isn't it cute?"
i let out a smile and i pat his head. "i have to admit it's cute, but just because you made it."
as we exchange happy looks, the door noisily opens and a crowd of students burst in laughing. the librarian tries to shush them.
amidst the crowd, i saw you.
you've changed. i think the only change was you just grew a little bit taller-- but it felt like there were more. i couldn't think straight of what changed as emotions overwhelmed me and tears started to well up.
at that moment, i wanted to hug you. tightly. i wanted to caress your head and tell you everything's alright. i feel my feet going to you instinctively, as if it was a habit.
you look at me in a slight second. your gaze is different.
my feet stops. my heart beats fast. as if it was a habit, i call out your name.
"mingyu."
the chatter dies down and you and your friends turn to look at me. i freeze in my spot. your hazy gaze softens and i recognize your demure eyes. the eyes you used to look at me with.
your friends let out a snicker but our eyes lock on each other. as if we were in a trance. as if it was a habit.
"gyu, i thought we had to do something here." your friend calls your name and our stares were broken. you turn to look at your friend and you change.
you look at the student librarian and give her a wink. my hopeful and tense shoulders suddenly drop, i knew i was a stranger to you.
you don't remember me anyway.
someone holds my hand, and it's warm. i look at the owner of the hand and it's seokmin. he looks at me with worried eyes. i shake my head, signalling that i'm okay. he smiles warmly.
we leave the library, both of us feeling uneasy after the scene. we knew what the other felt, slowly distancing each other.
awkward silence. i can't take it so i turn to you, then you do it too exactly when i turned. we both laugh, then say, "i'm sorry."
"you don't have to apologize, sweetie. grab some coffee with me?" seokmin holds my hand and i silently nod. we walk off to go to the coffee shop.
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i wish you hadn't said my name.
