I inhaled the cold air that surrounded me. The atmosphere itself seemed heavy as I was the only one who knew what was about to happen. Management had scheduled.... lessons for me, to assist in making myself a little less imperfect. I brought my eyes up from my feet now staring at the door in front of me, my hand hesitating to open it. All I wanted to do was go back to the boys and spend the usual day with them, but here I am dreading each waking moment while they think I'm simply visiting a childhood friend.
I closed my eyes and twisted the knob, beads of sweat were forming on my forehead. The beating of my heart accelerated as the door opened and I stepped inside. Benjamin sat behind his desk, glasses hanging on his long nose. He looked rude, horrid if I say so myself. I had my hand to my side and placed my hand above my hip, like I always stood when I was annoyed. Benjamin let out a sigh and muttered something under his breath that sounded like "Lord, I'll never be able to help this faggot." I winced at the words, it felt as if a knife were digging into my heart.
I then sat in a chair and tapped on the desk as Benjamin spoke, giving me pointers on how to change my behavior around guys, and to look at girls like I looked at.. certain guys. His words began to sound as if they were distant and he wasn't sat in a seemingly comfortable chair a few feet ahead of me. The room was a blur and I couldn't quite focus on any of my surroundings. Deafening thoughts pounded throughout my mind.
You're just a faggot Louis
Just imagine what the guys are going to think
You won't be part of the band
You'll lose your best friends
The world is going to find out
Will you just shut up already!?
I let out a sigh and ran my hands through my hair, causing it go this way and that because of the slight amount of gel that had been placed in it earlier.
Benjamin paused and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Is something bothering you Mr. Tomlinson?"
"Not at all." I smiled, being as polite as I could considering the circumstances.
I'm totally not bothered by you trying to 'fix' who the hell I am.
Benjamin took the cap off of his pen and wrote on a small notepad in front of him. I hadn't noticed this before and it just now hit me that he had been taking notes on my behavior. Curiosity flowed through me so I jumped up and grabbed it causing the pen to make a line down the paper mid sentence.
"Mr. Tomlinson!" Benjamin boomed, trying to frighten me.
I just scoffed and continued reading all the while becoming more enraged. I know I'm imperfect.... they don't have to rub it in.
Just as a tear began to make its way into my eye I slammed the notepad down in front of Benjamin and ran. I had only been in that damn place an hour but I was sure as hell ready to get out of it.
"You're not getting out of this Tomlinson!" He yelled just as the door slammed behind me.
