Finding Death

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Nomad

Barnes' leg bumps mine, the movement causing a slight rustling of leaves- and of my heart, but I can ignore that well enough. I'm used to it. The tree branch he's sitting on shakes as he laughs at my glare, so I reach out to slap the side of his head.

"Child," he says jokingly. I roll my eyes. "I interrupted your thinking, didn't I?"

"Yes."

"What were you thinking about?"

"I just..." sighing, I wriggle on my own branch to face him. "I just wish I knew more. Yesterday I overheard one of the maintenance men talking about his childhood and I... I want to know what growing up was like. I wonder if we knew each other as children."

"It feels like I've known you all my life."

"Is that because we don't know anything from before?" I sigh again, holding my knees to my chest.

"Rik, I honestly could not care less about what my life was like with you," Barnes pulls out one of his customary lines- normally this would be enough to satiate me. I trust this man with my life, day in, day out. I love him. But something within me today screams out for answers that he cannot provide.

"You're not even a little bit curious?" I ask.

"I guess. But if we ask all we'll get is the 'you grew up in a HYDRA training camp' line."

"Then maybe we should leave."

"Where we would go?"

"I don't know. Anywhere."

"Rikki, I- I know our lives aren't perfect but... the rest of the world isn't going to welcome people like us. We were made by HYDRA for HYDRA, maybe since we were born. There is nothing else for us except this."

"But I don't want this," I feel like crying. Something tells me that this isn't the first time we've had this discussion, either. 

"Me neither," Barnes smiles softly. "But I want you. We've got each other."

"Until they wipe us again."

Bucky reaches up, taking my hand and squeezing it a little. "We'll find each other again, won't we? Like we always do."

*

Waking up messes with my head. I don't remember where I am for a few moments; eventually, I recall that it's one of the beds in Sam Wilson's Quinjet. What the heck happened in France?

I pull hair away from my face and plait it, still lying down. My face turns out to be wet- I must have dreamt.

I did dream! It comes to me as I sit up: Bucky was with me, in a tree looking over a huge, grey building that must be a HYDRA compound. God only knows where it is. I'm not interested in its whereabouts, though- I want to find Bucky. I need to find him.

My booted feet land on the Quinjet's floor with a thud. Sam's head flicks towards me from the cockpit and he stands up. "Rikki," he says slowly. Carefully. "How are you feeling?"

I shrug. I don't like the expression he has- it looks wary. I must've done something. Think, Carter, what did you do?

No. Oh, no. No no no no no no no.

HYDRA.

Somehow... somehow they got to me, That's what Sam's face means.

What the fuck did I do?