class a; karma akabane

015; calming down

CALMING DOWN

your pov

"i like holding you." he said and pecked my cheek as well as putting my down on my own feet. we kind of act like a couple, don't we? i enjoy moments like these.

"it's cold here, karma." i said. he immediately pulled my into his embrace and kept me warm like that, i don't know what to say. i'm so sad but feel so happy at the same time.

"talk, f/n." he whispered into my ear softly. i looked at him and stood on my tiptoes to peck his already red cheek. not that i can blame him, really, i bet i look like a tomato now.

"remember when i told you i liked a boy?" he nodded softly.

"he's so close to me, yet so far away. he makes me think he likes me, even though i'm pretty sure he doesn't. he's so pretty, i can't stop admiring him. but it scares me to think about what he thinks when he looks at me. he's called me pretty before but i don't know if he's just trying to be nice or not. if he was serious, wouldn't he have like, asked  me out or something? i  want to confess so badly, but i also don't want to handle the consequences."

i looked down at my shoes, waiting for a response. i don't want to see his face, i'm scared he'll read me. i'm scared of his reaction

man, the girl he likes is so lucky..

"f/n, every sane dude, knows better than to reject you. he's probably serious about calling you pretty, everyone thinks you're pretty. you're honestly breathtaking, f/n. i say you confess." he said softly . avoiding to look me in the eyes. i guess i understand, we never have conversations that are as serious as this one.

i want to cry.

"nagisa would probably reject me, gakushuu- uh never mind, there's a lot of dudes who would, karma." i said. and that's true, i'm pretty sure no one has liked me until now. except for gakushuu, though. i still feel a bit bad about the whole gakushuu situation, but that's okay, we're still very close friends.

"okay nagisa likes kayano but i'm pretty sure that if you asked him out he would switch up pretty quickly, i was serious when i said no one would reject you, unless they're into dudes." he said and he ruffled my hair.

would you reject me, karma?

"hmm, you think so?" i asked him.

"yeah, w-wait do you- do you like nagisa?"

"o-oh, no! no it's not like that. i like someone else... nagisa knows who, though."

"he knows but i don't?" he pouted cutely. i chuckled at him. there's a lot of reasons why he doesn't know who it is, you can guess one of them. that's the main reason, honestly.

"i told him this summer, guess who wasn't there??" i said, that's definitely not why he doesn't know but fine, he stuck his tongue out like a toddler and laughed. he hugged me again and let his head rest on my shoulders.

why is this so sweet...?

"sorry for that again..." he whispered into my neck. he's so close, i shivered. he's so close yet i want him to be closer, for longer and more often.

he gave me his jacket and sat down.

"i really love him." i said and i looked at him.

only if he knew.

"when are you confessing to the girl you like?" i asked him, i don't want an answer, no , i do want an answer. i want the answer to be no, i don't want the confirmation of his crush being someone else then me, why did i ask this. i would rather die.

i'm shaking, the stress and nervousness has built up inside my body already, i can't handle this.

"oh, i already did." he said.

.....

i couldn't stop my tears from coming, they were rolling down my face as fast as ever. i've never felt this way, i knew he didn't like me, why am i so sad?

he can't see me like this. i can't talk to him like this.

does he like okuda-san? did he just lie about it before so i wouldn't find out? or maybe nakamura-san? i don't know. i don't want to know anymore.

did he get rejected?

for fucks sake i need to get out of here. he'll hear me cry in a second. i threw his jacked onto his head and ran away as fast as i could, i could hear him faintly saying my name but i was too far for him to see me. i don't want to talk to him.

i can't.

~~~~~~~

"f/n?! sweetie, come downstairs, karma is waiting for you here!" i heard my mom call me from downstairs. he's here?

he came to find me? shouldn't he understand why i ran away?

i can't come downstairs anyway, my eyes are puffy and swollen, i have tears over my whole face and i'm still crying as we speak.

i managed to get into my room without my mom noticing i was crying, she can't see.

i want him to see me cry, but i also really really don't.

but i do.

"h-he can come here..!" i tried to say, hoping they'd hear. luckily they did, and i heard karma come up from the hall.

"knock knock...?" he said as he softly knocked on my room door.

"wh-who's there..?"

"confused ginger." he said as he opened the door slowly.

"hi..." i said turned around in my chair, so he couldn't see my face. i heard him sit down on my bed and sigh.

"are you okay?" he asked me. i turned around and looked at him, he widened his eyes and hugged me. i started sobbing into his chest and he tried to comfort me.

"do you like nakamura-san, karma?" i asked him when i calmed down a bit, he looked at me and shrugged.

"don't know." silence followed after. i nodded and tried not to cry again, i feel like i'm getting a panic attack soon.

"i'm kidding, f/n." he said as he kissed my forehead, nose and cheek.

"okay." i said and hugged him. he looked at me and carried me onto me bed. he switched the lights off and hugged me.

"goodnight, f/n."

"goodnight, karma."

karma's pov

we can talk about this tomorrow, the important thing is that she's relaxing now, i don't know the exact reason of her crying, but i do know that it was extreme. her feeling good and being comfortable is way more important then my curiosity of this situation.

fuck i love her.