The Bucket List

“Arelyn, we’re so sorry.” Doctor Matthews’ face was etched into a frown. My eyes widened in response. My mother buried her head in my father’s shoulder, letting her tears escape. “A grade three Anaplastic Astrocytoma tumor has formed on your brain. We can try to remove as much of the tumor as we can through surgry, but there isn’t any way to be sure.” I couldn’t speak, so my mother did for me.

“What about chemo? Will that do anything for her?” She asked, trying to remain calm, but miserably failing.

“Radiation can prolong her lifespan, but that’s as much as we know as of yet.” I didn’t hear the rest of what he was saying. Everything was a blur.

“How long?” My mother’s eyes widened in shock.

“I’m sorry?” Doctor Matthews asked carefully.

“I said,” I paused to take a breath. “How long before I die.” My mother broke into sobs again, my father turned and rested his head against the wall, hiding his face.

“Arelyn, please don’t jump to conclusions.” She said, wiping at her eyes.

Ignoring her pleas, I averted my eyes towards Doctor Matthews. “Doctor Matthews, be honest with me. How long do I have before I’m going to die?” He sighed, setting down the clipboard on his dark wooden desk.

“The average survival time of those who undergo both surgery and radiation is usually eighteen months.” Seeing my mother’s face, he added to his explanation. “That is never for certain, though. You may be the lucky one that gets through it.”

“See, honey? You’ll be okay.” My mother said, hopefully.

“I have a year and a half to live,” I whispered to myself. “Thank you, Doctor Matthews, for telling me.” He nodded and bent down to dig around in a file.

“We’d like to perform a surgery to remove the tumor as soon as possible. We have an opening in three days.” My mother took a seat back at the desk as I stared out the window. I wasn’t paying attention to anything the doctor was saying.

“Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” I stood up abruptly and left the room, not giving anyone a second glance.

“Arelyn, come back here!” My mother called for me. I kept running, turning corner after corner until I was out of breath.

Another splintering headache was coming on. I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. I had no clue where I was. The hospital was a huge place, and this hallway was deserted. Groaning, I buried my head into my knees and broke down.

I don’t know how much time passed. Seconds, minutes, hours, it could have even been days. People passed, never looking my way.

I was invisible.

The silence filled my ears, leaving me to my thoughts.

I counted the months in my head. If the doctors are right, I’ll be dead by November of next year. I’ll be dead before I’m even twenty. The thought of that brought back the sobs. The loud, angry, choking sobs.

“Hey, you okay?” A male voice asked. I sniffed and raised my head, wiping my eyes slowly. “Come on, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?!” I snapped, my voice getting high. “What’s wrong, is I have a year and a half before I’m going to die. That’s what’s wrong, if you must know.” I spat. The boy sighed and sat down next to me.

“You just find out?” He asked, not looking at me. I nodded slowly. “I’m Thomas.” He stuck out his hand. I took it and gave it a small shake.

“Arelyn.” I replied quietly.

“Neat name.” I sighed. “Never heard it before.

“And you’ll probably never hear it again after I die.”

“Arelyn, you don’t think I understand, do you?” He asked, eyeing me carefully. I shook my head. “Do you really think I chose this hair style?” He gestured to his nearly bald head.

“I guess not,” I muttered, refusing to make eye contact.

“Lukemia; third bout of it since I was five.”

“How old are you now?” I asked, immediately feeling bad for yelling at him.

“Seventeen.” He choughed. “Listen, just because it’s the ‘average’ for you to survive for a year and a half, doesn’t mean that you won’t live logner. You never know what’s going to happen, Arelyn. You will never know when you’re going to die until it happens. Until then, you just have to make sure that your life was worth living. Do something you’ll never forget.” A small smile formed at the corners of my lips. “Get a tattoo, create art, even strike up a conversation with a complete stranger.” He added a wink at the end. “Come on, lets get you back to your parents.” He stood up, dusting his legs off, holding out his right hand to help me up. I took it.

“I don’t exactly know where they are.” I said quietly.

“You ran, right? Turned all the corners without looking where you were going?” I nodded, hiding my embarassment. “It’s okay, you’ll be fine. Who was your doctor?”

“Doctor Matthews.”

“Two away from my doc. Lets go.” He passed me, leading the way. I quickly followed behind him. As we were turning the corner to Doctor Matthews’ office, I stopped, pulling on Thomas’ sleeve.

“Hey, thanks for that.” He nodded, grinning.

“Been there, done that. It’s easier if you have someone help you.” I smiled gratefully. My parents emerged from the office, my mother looking around frantically.

“Ah, I see Arelyn’s met Thomas.” Doctor Matthews’ said, clapping his hand. I nodded, walking over to my parents and pulling them into a hug.

“Yeah, I found her in the janitor’s hall.” He left out the part about me crying. I pulled away from my parents and turned back to Thomas.

“Thanks again, Thomas.” He jabbed his hands into his sweat pants pockets, nodding. “I’ll see you around.” I said carefully, taking time to really look at him.

He was wearing dark gray sweat pants and a blue pullover hoodie, a pair of white slippers on his feet. He had fair skin and sunken in brown eyes, but they sparkled. His hair was just starting to grow back in.

“Bye, Arelyn.” He turned away, trudging back down the hall, waving at the nurses who’d pass him.

“Arelyn, your surgery is scheduled for this Saturday at eight am, I’d suggest being here by seven, however. We’re going to cut out as much of this tumor as we possibly can. You’ll be starting radiation on the twenty eighth. I know you can get through this. I’ll be seeing you all on Saturday morning. Please, try to have an okay evening.” He said, sadly.

“Thank you, Doctor. We’ll be seeing you, then.” I said, standing up straight. He nodded, walking back into his office.

“You okay, Pumpkin?” My father asked, setting a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, can we just go home?” I responded, sighing.

“Of course, Honey. You’ll be fine.” My mother said, more to herself than to me. I walked in front of them, leading the way down the hallway.

As I was walking, we passed many people. There was a small child area in the Cancer ward, Thomas was sitting on the ground with a little girl sitting on his lap. She was bald. All the kids were. He turned his head right as I was passing, and offered a small wave. I returned it, and continued on my way.

I thought back to his words. “make sure that your life was worth living.”

I had to do something with the little amount of time I had left.