Please, Not Yet

Please, Not Yet (Short Story)

Again, I say, "Dad, I'm leaving," with smoke and alcohol pervading my nose. I can't breathe. Without waiting for a response, I leave the house knowing he won't answer. I walk through the neighborhood doing what I always do, smiling and greeting familiar faces while heading to school. When I'm at school, I'm respected by the teachers and students alike as one of the many good 'model' students. It's suffocating. I shrink as the weight of their praise increases. It hurts!

The only good thing in my life is my friend, Beatrice, an energetic, honest blonde with a light-tan, who brings happiness to the people around her. We are opposites. She is free like a flying bird while I'm a bird in a cage. She tries new things while I stay the same. She grows into a blooming flower while I decay into a corpse. She is the Sun shining bright in the day while I'm one of the many stars of the night. After school, Beatrice invites me to do different activities such as kayaking or watching movies. Spending time with Beatrice and doing things is the only time for me to breathe and be happy.

I went home, almost hopping along the sidewalk with a smile on my face. Smack! The stinging sensation on my cheek made me return to my harsh reality. Seething, I handle all of his anger: his curses, his punches. After having his fill, leaving me beaten down near the front door, I tread carefully to my room, trying to not agitate him any further. I lock my door and look in the mirror, seeing myself ragged and beaten. I sob quietly on my bed, in my dark and secluded room. I think of all the naive people living their happy lives.

They don't understand . . . My pain. . . My sorrow. . . It'd be better if I wasn't born.

* * *

Drip Drop. Rain covers the school. As I walk with Beatrice down the narrow corridor, I make sure to hide my bruises with make-up and not reveal anything.

"I'm transferring," Beatrice blurts.

What?

"My parents transferred jobs to another country and the place we're going will have a really good volleyball team," She continues.

Don't go!

"I plan on becoming a volleyball player after high school so it would be good for me."

What about me?

Contrary to my thoughts, I smile and reply, "That's amazing, I know you will be a good volleyball player since you practise harder than anyone else." Beatrice continues to talk excitedly about transferring, but I couldn't hear any of it as I feel the narrow corridor closing in on me. I can't breathe.

After a few days after that conversation, she left. My life goes on but it's meaningless. From home to school, from school to home and the occasional visit to the shop. Being beaten at home everyday, increasing my workload everyday, increasing expectations everyday is all bearable with Beatrice, but now, she's gone.

I pack my clothes, food, water and some money to leave this wretched place. Run! Run away! My thoughts keep repeating these same words over and over again. Again, I say, "Dad, I'm leaving," for good. I ran with my suitcase as far away as I could from this place. I couldn't see where I'm going as I focus towards my sunny days. Screech! Two shining lights enter my view, getting closer at a fast speed. I was too late to react.

* * *

Beep. Beep. A white ceiling, a white room and men dressed in white. I could hardly hear their voices. But, their faces are serious and pale. I'm not going to make it. At least I don't have to keep up this horrible lifestyle. I don't have to experience any more of my father's drunk rampages. I don't have to keep up my facade at school of being a 'model' student. Tears stream down my face, never ending. Never ending sorrow. Never ending regret. Please, not yet. I want to try so many things, play sports, graduate high school, go to university, get a stable job, meet Beatrice in the future, meet new people, experience love, get married, have a family. Please, not yet. I don't want to die. Please, not yet. Panting and Panting, trying to calm the inner storm within me. Everything is becoming dark and their voices start to fade. As I take my last breath, I succumb to the great dark abyss.