Marcus came over every day to teach me new signings. We started with the alphabet and then that slowly grew into phrases. Though tough, I knew I could soon know as much as Marcus knew. My mom was right about one thing; it's much better to have Marcus teach me than some adult. I could sit with him days upon days as he teaches me sign language, for he never bored me. The swift motions of his hands and every movement he makes puts me in a minor trance. Every word he says and teaches me, whether the word is "food" or "bastard" just seems to slip perfectly from his lips.
I wish I could feel the lingering, minor vibrations of words slipping from my lips. Never have I ever wished to hear my own voice out loud this much. Though I know I never would, I could dream.
The one thing I could do was hear Marcus's beautiful voice speak to me, which was roughly satisfying enough. Never had I realized that the sound of someone's voice could put me in such a trance where I just lose myself in the beauty of the sound escaping their lips. I wonder if Marcus would feel the same about listening to my voice. If only he could listen to my voice.
I tried to let out a sound when I'm home alone a few days ago. All I heard was a weird "muhhh" sound, which made me cringe. The monotone and merrily pathetic sound escaping my lips was something I wish my throat would've never projected. I couldn't believe it's the only noise I could make. I grabbed a pillow and threw it across the room, a few tears escaping my eyes. How could this have happened to me? I'm a good girl, I never did anything to deserve this. I would trade anything for my voice back and to feel the vibration and flicks of my tongue as words that aren't "muhhh" come out of my mouth. I want it so bad. Please God, if you exist, let me have my voice back.
