This year, this very first year.
I cried, I laughed, I contemplated.
This year, this very first year.
I was inconsistent, I was alone, I was depressed.
This year, this very first year.
I leaped, I believed, I tried.
This year, this very first year.
I was lonely, I was silent, I was dead inside.
This year felt like,
I had two within one body.
One being bubbly and blissful,
The other being dark and embalming.
Most times one won over the other.
Guess which? *laughs*
This one made me hate my skin,
Made me watch my body funny.
Made me hate being checked up on.
Made me hate socializing.
Yet I wallowed in this one,
Because for some reason,
I felt like this is the one.
The one where I am at most peace with myself.
The one where I aspire to be.
The one where it is just calm.
Calm like the waves hitting the beach,
Or calm like an eagle soaring the sky.
I just felt still.
Still being that one.
There were days when I'd fight it.
But I'd return by my own will.
Because again I felt like I was still.
Still being that one.
I drifted through this year,
Being that one.
And instead of being unhappy,
I felt happiness breathing through me.
Instead of being scared,
I felt a thrill within me.
Maybe I tell myself,
That I have two within one body.
When I really am one with one body.
And I've accepted that one.
That one that makes me dark and embalming,
But brings me peace and light.
I enjoy this "one".
Because I've finally realized,
That this one, is me.
