𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 ~ 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐣𝐢

4. Warming

It feels horrible hiding this situation to my friends, specially Mirio.. He's been there for me since I got transferred from my previous elementary school, almost like a brother; how can my soul live peacefully when I have no one that close to talk about this? How can I wake up and fake a smile in front of Hado and Mirio, as if nothing is happening?

Soon or later they're going to find out and it's most likely to happen when I have a breakdown

Which seems not too far to be honest

***

Patrolling with Fatgum alone, since Kirishima had to take care of his mother for a while gave me an opportunity to talk about this with him, but should I tell him everything? Will this affect the investigation?

After my body felt better I was discharged from the hospital, it took a week and my friends visited me to give me the news about school and do homework.

This is going to sound weird but being in the hospital, despite the tasteless food, the gown and smell of chemicals, I felt relieved because I was resting, I was sleeping

Sleeping, something I forgot how to do right two months ago

But now is different, I'm back to school, back to my duty and back to reality

It sucks, everybody walking in the hallway, heading to their classes, they don't know what happened to me, they don't know what is happening to me because I can't find myself to talk. The world is still moving effortlessly, people are walking, moving forward, moving on

And why can't I?

The Sun is supposed to bring light, to warm and illuminate people's lives. I almost feel embarrassed of my hero name

Because the biggest star in our universe makes life and shines so bright looking so confident and powerful when I'm still hiding in the shadows, under the hood of my suit.

How can people see the "great" person they say I am but I can't? Why can't I see that?

Am I truly underestimating me or they are just seeing things in me that are not there?

Such high hopes on me that I can't get to make work, that I can't get myself be worthy of them..

Too many useless thoughts about situations that might not even exist

It is being fed with those thoughts

They make my anxiety stronger

***

In the evening after classes, some fruits and a shower, I went to the train station and walk towards Fatgum's agency, to talk. Maybe this tantrum that is messing around my head will calm down if I talk to him.

People recognized my hero suit, some said hi and I just awkwardly wave my hand at them doing a huge effort not to smash my forehead against a wall.

The agency looks bigger than I can remember, it's been a week since I was here the last time

-Fatgum- I said entering his office, he was eating onigiri on his desk -can I.. ask you something?

-Of course you can, Suneater! -he replied with a smile and pointed at the chair on the other side of the desk -please have a seat!

-I.. um.. -Come on! Why is it so hard to talk about this?!