𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙼𝚎 [Oikawa x reader]

𝐎𝐧𝐞.

sᴛᴀʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ

00:01 ●━━━━━━─────── 1:00
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Oɪᴋᴀᴡᴀ x Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

"𝚆𝚎'𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚒𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚛."

Again, TW; suicide

You both weren’t in the best place, but that’s why you two were together. Most of your time  was spent in bed late at night when you were talking. Of course you talked at school, but those weren’t the real yous. At night you’d both lay in bed, hugging as you talked. Sometimes there wasn’t even any talking at all, just hugging one another tight to let the other know it was okay to have bad days. When he was feeling down, you’d hug him tight. You’d face each other and he’d have his arms around your waist while yours went around his head nestled between  your chest. He’d talk, you would listen, and sometimes he would cry, which was okay. You’d hug him tighter and whisper sweet nothings, tell him how hard he’d worked, assure him about how far he’d come in life.

And you…

You didn’t talk a lot about your problems. And when you did, you didn’t go into depth.

But that was okay, Tooru knew not to push you. He knew how it felt. You always told him it was okay and that you felt better just hugging him and listening to him. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same way.

Of course, your relationship was more than just using the other as an output to their stress but after a day at school all you and him wanted to do was lie in bed.

What worried Oikawa was that it was always “okay”. You never said you were doing good. Always okay. You told him you were doing better but he knew you were all over the place, trapped in your thoughts. Maybe that’s why you liked to comb through his hair in bed. It was the one thing you felt like you could actually sort through and get right in your life.

Lately...it’d been worse, though. Not even combing through hair felt right. Everything felt so wrong and numb and dying felt like the only way to solve it.

It was a horrible thought but you really wanted to die. The idea was so appealing and you wanted to see how people would react. You hadn’t made an impact on many but would they still care? You were curious.

The only thing keeping you back was Tooru Oikawa. The love of your life and your childhood friend. The first thing you thought was, “I couldn’t leave him. If he ever told me he wanted to die I’d make him snap out of it right away. I can’t do the same to him.” The second thing you thought was, “I promised him I wouldn’t kill myself.”

But soon you were overthinking that thought too much. Using it too much just to give you the feeling someone cared until it came crashing down. One day, after reassuring yourself with the promise, you suddenly came to the realization.

He probably doesn’t even remember the promise.

Then, from there it just spiraled down.

Why do I care so much about it, then?

He probably didn’t give it a second thought when he said it seven years ago.

That made you feel horrible inside as you dug your fingers into your scalp during class. You really needed to tell Oikawa about this before it got worse. But what if it was just a phase? You’d sound stupid and overreactive. You calmed yourself down, luckily stopping yourself from breaking down during class. The rest of the day went by fast but when you got home you started to think about it again.

You couldn’t get the thoughts out of your head and it was even harder with Tooru not  being with you. He had practice late and then would head home to his own house. You knew if you texted him he’d come right away but you didn’t want to bother him like that. You never wanted to bother him.

That’s why the next morning on your way to school you picked up a flower. A “Lycoris Radiata” to be specific. Throughout the day you thought about your plan, and by your last class you’d finally decided it was the right decision. You got to the class rather early, which was perfect. It gave you enough time to do this by yourself.

However, Oikawa also got to class early. When he walked in, he immediately looked for you, knowing you usually got to class before him. His heart stopped when he saw the flower. He immediately ran towards the flower, finding the scribbled note wrapped around the stem.

“Promises are hard to keep. I’m so sorry.”

He was panicking, now. He couldn’t live without you. He didn’t even know where you were. He trusted his instinct and ran for the rooftop, praying you weren’t gone yet. Reaching the top of the stairs, he saw the pair of shoes neatly placed near the doorway. Opening the door, there you were on the edge of the rooftop.

You looked stunning from where he was standing, the wind allowing your hair and uniform to move with it.

He had to get you off the edge, quick.

As he took quick strides towards you, he saw your figure trembling and felt horrible. He regretted never pushing you to talk about your feelings, now. He should have known this would eventually happen.

But he was going to stop it.

“[Y/N]!” he yelled out, grabbing your attention, “Don’t do this, please!” His breath hitched as you shook your head, face wet with tears. Instead, you took a step backwards and now he was running towards you.

Just in time, he was able to grab your hand and pull you into his chest, both of you falling onto the rooftop. He held you tightly, breathing unsteadily as your whole body shook. “Stay with me, [Y/N]. Please…” the way you held onto the material of his jacket as he gently rubbed the back of your head, keeping it in place against his chest told him enough. “How silly of you...to think...I could forget our promise,” Oikawa whispered, nuzzling his nose into your scalp. He remembered when you two were just kids and already in a bad place. That had led to the promise you made on his bedroom floor seven years ago.

“Promise me you won’t ever kill yourself, please.”

You’d stop shaking now, and he gave you a soft smile as you looked up from his chest. “I love you, [Y/N]. I couldn’t live without you. I...promise you I’ll look out for you more, now. I’ll ask how you are more and I’ll help you through this like you did for me, okay? But only if you promise me once more that you won’t try to do this again. And tell me how you’re really feeling. I’ll say it again. I love you, [Y/N]. My heart is yours. You haven’t and will never bother me. I want to be there for you and I’ll help you keep this promise if you promise me it. I love you,” his eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled softly at you before leaning down to connect your lips.

You truly did not deserve Tooru Oikawa.

 As you kissed him, you thanked God above for letting you even meet him. When you pulled away you sorted through your thoughts successfully for once. “Okay. I promise I won’t. Tooru...I feel good right now. I love you,” You looked up at him with the best smile you could muster at the moment, with red eyes and a runny nose.

He’d never smiled back brighter in his life. You felt good. You’d stay with him. He couldn’t ask for more. Only that you let him help you in the same way you helped him.

He pulled you in for a tight hug that you almost immediately returned with just as much force. He was so close to losing you, but he’d never let it happen again. You’d stay with each other.

It was a promise.