Your last boyfriend broke up with you after admitting several years of cheating. You can't get over it since he left, but letting it all burn inside you won't do any better for you. You need someone to vent, someone to listen. And you just found the...
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You're sitting on the couch, looking at the wall, asking yourself how life could go so wrong. There was no answer. Possibly because of you. Things always go wrong with you.
The man you thought of marrying someday had been cheating on you for five months. He told you this, and that you were too busy always talking about your work to notice it. He felt neglected. Maybe he is right, maybe it's your fault. But Jongho didn't want to discuss the problem. He wasn't trying to fix your relationship; he was saying goodbye.
It broke you inside, to think he was feeling this way for so long. How haven't you seen the evidence? Certainly, it was your fault, because nothing was wrong with you, but it was with him. You could forgive him if he wanted to be forgiven.
When Jongho walked out of your apartment, you gave up the will of running after him to beg. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to stay unhappy beside you. He'll be happier without you. The truth felt bitter. Now that you are officially single again, some questions started to pop once more in your head: Will you stay alone forever? Are you so bothering that no one can stand you?
You just wanted to be sure about something, but everything was just so gray now. Like all the colors had lost their brightness, and all the world had lost its smiles. There was nothing you could do about being upset with yourself.
So, when you unlocked your phone and scrolled through the contacts to select someone to vent about all the thoughts eating you inside, you noticed you had lost your friends, too.
You wondered about calling your best friend, but you remembered she had been very cold since you started dating Jongho, probably because she liked him too. You wondered about calling you cousin, she usually treats you as a friend, but you were too ashamed to share this cheating with your family. She'll think it's your fault, anyway. The last thing you need right now is people that will be happy at seeing your sadness and self-ostracism. But you didn't have someone like that.
Your list was empty, yet full.
What to do now?
Letting it all inside will solidify these feelings into something harder to break, later. You know it, you know yourself too well. As the list was ending, you got anxious. Then... a name appeared. You stared at it, thinking. Why? It's strange, but... He's a good listener. You thought of him, in your earlier days in work when you had just met the most famous artist from Starship when you were just a freshman there...! Why do you have his number?
For emergencies, when their manager doesn't answer the calls. Because he's the leader and takes responsibility for paperwork. You sighed. This is wrong, you shouldn't make someone like him one of your close friends.
He won't answer, it's obvious. It's close to midnight, of course, Shownu won't answer work calls, no one would answer. Not even the boss. You tighten the grip on your phone. This is hard... You just have no one, but yourself... and now the tears are finally coming... you can't let them out... Oh, shit, why is this so hard?
