Twisted - A Paisleywood Story

Don't Keep Your Hopes Up

Brad pulled over the side of the road, looking as frustated as ever. The car ride up to this point was in complete silence. I looked at him as if to question why he stopped.

"Are you-" He looked directly into me, eyebrows furrowed. "You've been throwing up since this morning and I don't know-" He clenched his eyes. "Are you pregnant?" And when he opened his eyes, staring intently at mine,  I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest.

I looked down as I started what I'm saying. "I, I don't know. I have not taken any tests but um, I already scheduled a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Then i'll find out what's wrong or if i'm pregnant or not." Just saying the word pregnant already gives me chills.

"Look at me." He said, making me shot my head up and look at him. "We'll get through this, alright. If you are pregnant then we'll raise this kid together." He smiled at me. "No matter what."

"I don't understand." I questioned a bit confused. "What about Kim and the kids?"

"I don't know. We'll figure this out. Trust me." He squeezed my hand, closing the distance between us which lingered for a little while before I pulled away, feeling nauseous.

"Sorry." I mumbled before resting back on my seat and closing my eyes.

"It's fine." He said, starting the car again. "And you should rest."  He smiled looking at me. And at that point, just by looking at him smiling again, I can feel my night brighten up again, as if nothing's wrong. As if nothing went wrong. "Do you want me to go with you at the appointment tomorrow?"

"Oh, no. That's just gonna bring out a lot of fuss, i'm going to be fine." I chuckled a bit. "How are the kids?" I asked changing the subject.

That brought another huge smile on Brad's face, which I love seeing. "Oh, we went to Toys R Us yesterday and Huck was there again, breaking his piggy bank at the cashier to pay for his lego. And Jasper, the little guy's obssessed with his mom's baby bump. Says he wants a baby sister." He laughed.

And though that little story hurt a bit, I laughed with with him. That's what makes him happy. His family makes him happy. Brad went on with his story, telling me the first time the baby kicked and how they're gonna know the gender of the baby in two weeks. I keep thinking to myself if Im going to be able to experience that too. If I can bring those smiles to Brad's face.

When we reached my house, Brad had managed to tell me stories about Kim being so excited about the baby qnd everything, how big Kim's bump is or how she's been very moody or long-story short, I am updated about how Kim is doing even right at this very moment. Observing Brad as he tells those stories, I see how happy he is with his family and I got myself to thinking of why would I get in the way of that happiness.

Laying here in my bed, staring at the ceiling as thoughts flooded my head. What if Brad is really happy with his family to the extent where I am just someone who gives him pleasure? What if I am just that woman?

Somehow, I found myself in a puddle of tears, curled up in ball on my bed and I had managed to sleep in that position and waking up with my back feeling sore.

I jumped in the shower and just standing there letting the water from the showerhead pour down on me. Am I over thinking? Maybe, but what do I do? Maybe I really shouldn't have entered this situation. Maybe I should've stopped it before it really happened, before something happened. But then again, it's already here.

Walking through the hallway of the hospital has been that frightening. I don't know what awaits me. My life could turn upside-down instantly in just a piece of paper and that had me sweating to death. Just the thought of being pregnant gets me sick to my stomach and as I sat there at the doctor's office waiting for the results, I wanted to throw-up.

This has been the longest waiting minutes of life, sure I had been to places where I'd have to fall in line in a long queue before I get my turn but this time it's different, I may not be on a pong queue but it seems as if the world stopped spinning and thw time stood still. As if everything around me is in slow motion.

The doctor finally came in, a facial expression you couldn't read was painted on her face and that made me more nervous. "Ms. Underwood..." she started, sitting on her chair across from mine. "I'm sorry, but you're not pregnant." She said sympathetically.

As though i've heard that I am not expecting, there was a flinch of sadness in my body. I know, I should be happy but there is just that pain you get when you thought you already have something but then in just one blink it's gone. Though I tried to think positively. Without the baby, life would be less complicated.

"Listen, I know this would be difficult to hear." She said again, and starting on with a bunch of medical terms which I didn't really get to catch on except for the words that stung really bad. She rambled on a lot of words that hasn't even sunk into my mind efore saying another. My head seems as if I was spinning as I stared into her mobjng her mouth rapidly, or so I thought.

"I can't have a baby?" I asked, trying my best not to shed tears.

"No, i'm sorry."

"Oh it's fine." I let out  nervous chuckle. Standing up from my seat. "Thank you. I uh, I should go. Thanks." I shook her hand before bolting out of the door, almost running to my car.

"Carrie!" Cathy greeted all perky as she saw me by the pathway, waving and going over my way. "Good morning."

I forced a smile stopping at my tracks. "Morning." I greeted back as she stood beside me, walking with me inside.

"Where have you been this early?" She laughed. "I just woke up."

"To the hospital." I answered plopping down on the couch and petting Ace on my lap. I  tried my best not to break down in front of Catherine but failing horribly.

Just then I felt Cathy's arms wrap around me as I bawled on  her shoulders. "What happened?" She asked rubbing my back.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I sobbed, hugging Catherine tightly, it feeling like she wouldn't be able to breathe but I don't care, I just needed someone to hold me right now.

Catherine continued on stroking my back, calming me a little. "It's alright. Just let it all out." She whispered. "I'm here."

I cried for eternity on Cathy's shoulders. This is the last time that i'm going to cry. It had never, even once in my life, did it cross my mind that one day I would be here bawling on my neighbor's shoulder because of the reason that I never thought would happen to me. But here I am.

I woke up in my bed, clueless of how I got here, I got up, hoping to find Catherine somewhere in my house prancing around, though what greeted me is the face of the man I wanted to see the least at this point of time when I descended the stairs.

"We need to end this." I mumbled, barely even looking at Brad.

"What are you talking about?" He chuckled inching closer to me.

I stayed still at the foot of the stairs, looking down. "This. Us. We need to stop this." I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He bolted towards me, bringing me in a tight hug.

"Why? What happened? I thought- You promised to not leave me again." He said rather softly, tightenung his grip on me.

I, standing awkwardly there, let the tears escape from my   eyes once again. "I can't do this anymore." I whispered.

"But-"

"Brad, you're married!" I blurted out. "We should have thought this through from the very start, we shouldn't even have gotten back together. We know very well that this is completely wrong!" I pushed passed him, going over to the kitchen.

Brad just stood there, hands on his hips, looking down. "Fine." He turned around to face me. "I'm leaving and i'm sorry for everything i've caused you." He walked towards the front door and looked at me "Goodbye, Carrie." He said shutting the door behind him.

That was the last time I ever sww his face, look of hurt and sadness. That night, I found myself beside bottles of wine, silently crying to myself.