Their Story?

Chapter 1

I invited him over and of course, we did what we always did. After we were done, he said "I can't keep doing this anymore." I said, "What are you talking about?"

Him: This. Whatever this is. I can't.

Me: What do you mean? Why not? Do you have a girlfriend or something?

Him: No. No, I don't. No. I... I just can't do it anymore.

Me: Okay, but why?

Him: I can't keep having sex with you because... because...

Me: Because? Because? Because what? Spit It Out.

Him: I can't keep doing this with you because I'm...

Me: WHAT? WHY? YOU'RE GETTING ME FUCKING MAD.

He took my my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. "What are you doing? Why are you so-" He cut me off with a kiss; a kiss so passionate that it felt straight out of a movie. As we pulled away, I sat on my bed in shock. I stuttered with no sensible words coming out, until I said, "What was that?" "I don't know," he replied. "So why?" I asked. We sat there and stared at each other. Then, I stood up and started to walk out of the room, but he grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards him. We were face to face, but he pulled me in by the waist and buried his face in my chest. I bent down, hugged him, and asked him, "What's wrong? What happened?" He said nothing, so I kept asking.

I ran my hands through his hair and held his face in my hands. "Look at me. What is going on?" He looked at me with a look I've never seen p m before. "Tell me." He tried to look away from me, but I wouldn't let him. I hugged him again. As I stood there embracing him, he mumbled something I couldn't understand. "Huh?" In a louder, clearer voice, he said, "I love you." I sat on the bed. "Are you serious?" He started to cry. As soon as I saw his tears, I hugged him again and started to silently cry with him. I straddled him and kissed his forehead.

I laid down on the bed. "Come here." He laid next to me and I took his hand. "Tell me everything. Talk to me like we're friends again." I sat up and climbed on top of him. I wiped his tears and smiled at him. He closed his eyes. "I don't know where to start." "Why?" I asked him.

Him: Why what?

Me: Why do you love me? What is there to love about me?

I thought about how I was so emotionally scarred and could barely love myself, let alone somebody else.

Him: I know we haven't talked like we used to before we started doing whatever this is, but I miss talking to you. I miss having you to be there for me and me being there for you. I want you to trust me and I will trust you. I know you. I love your smile and your eyes and your body and you. I love you.

Me: I don't know what to say. I don't know what love is. I can't even love myself. How can I love you or anyone else? I've been through and go through so much and I don't want to put my baggage on you. I can't do that to you.

He puts his hands on my face and wiped away my tears.

Him: I'm here for you. Always. I love you. Even if you don't love me yet, I will wait for you to love me back.

At this point, I was wholeheartedly sobbing. He pulled me towards him and embraced me. "Tell me your story. Tell me how you became who you are."

I started to unpack my emotional trauma in his arms. I cried harder as he hugged my tighter. I told him things I've never told anyone before. I told him about all the nights I've cried; the suicidal thoughts; the under eating; the overeating; all of it. I poured my heart out, which led us both to full blown tears. I couldn't continue through my sobs, so he comforted me, told me that everything was going to be okay, and kissed my cheeks and forehead softly.

I looked at him and kissed him. Hugging him tightly, I said, "You better not tell anyone about anything I just said and you better not tell anyone that you've seen me cry or I will ruin your life." We chuckled and kissed again.

Now he knows everything; what am I going to do now.

"So what are we going to do now? We had sex, I poured my heart out to you, so what's next?"

"I guess I'm next," he said. "I guess so," I replied.

He told me his story; he poured his heart out to me. He told me everything. I comforted him as he confided in me. When he was done, he said, "I've never told anyone everything. It's always been too hard, but with you it's easy."

Me: I think I should get cleaned up. Do you want something to eat before you go?

Him: Yeah, but if it's a problem, I'll just buy something from the store.

Me: No, I'll make you something. What do you want?

Him: I don't know, what are you making me?

Me: Well, I haven't eaten at all today. I want eggs and pancakes.

Him: Eggs and pancakes it is.

I got up and started to prepare to make us breakfast. As I was standing at the stove finishing the pancakes and scrambling the eggs, he came up behind me, started caressing my waist, and kissing my neck. I giggled and told him to stop. He backed up and I got plates and juice for us.

He sat at the table and I got up to get my phone. As usual, I started taking a video of me and my food. After I took the video, he told me to take another one. I asked him why and he said, "So we can have a physical memory of this day."

After we ate, I told him I was going to take a shower when he left. "Why not take one now?" he said with a slight smile.

Even though we had sex, he had never seen me fully naked; only from the waist down. My mommy issues and my insecurities took over. I shut down like I always do and I told him to leave.

"Wait, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" he said. "Just go, please," I replied softly. "No, talk to me please."

Me: Just go.

Him: No, just tell me what's wrong. Please.

Me: Leave.

Him: Why? I'll go, but just tell me why.

I started to tear up; how do you say you're too insecure to show someone your full naked self? He hugged and comforted me. "Come on. Talk to me." I couldn't bring myself to tell him, so I just continued to cry. When I finally stopped crying, he looked at me and said, "You can tell me anything." I told him about my insecurities and lack of confidence in my body.

He said, "I don't care about any of that. I love you the way you are. Every last inch of you." We ended up on the floor because of my unending tears. No one has ever seen me like that. He said, "Take a shower and I'll wait for you right here." I took my shower. When I got out, he sat on the floor outside of my room until I was done. We laid back down to cuddle and talk.

Then, it was time for him to go. We had goodbye kisses all the way to the door. When he finally made it over the threshold, he said it again, "I love you." I couldn't bring myself to say it back, so I kissed him one last time.

"Be safe. Let me know when you get home." Those were the last words I said to him, but I didn't know it.