Nicotine || Kshaw

sweet tasteing

Nicotine is something that could easily take the edge off. A cloud of smoke that effortlessly numbs the pain. It was just so addictive, and soothing. A mistress with hidden motives. Who engulfs you in what seems like safety. With the kiss of death.

The warmth of the summers night help comfort Harry. His legs were propped up against the railing of the balcony. It was a drastic different between America, and Britain. He often had to remind himself of the change. The same amazement he had when he first came stayed, but it just felt off this time around.

A cigarette in one hand, and his other resting on his mid. Left to his own thoughts. Every so often he would bring the stick to his lips, and take a drag. Soon the nerves that been built up through out the day vanished. Replaced with a temporary relief.

Harry had long broke his smoking habits, but the pass few months were anything but nice to him. Smoking helped take the edge away, but the horrible blanket of anxiety didnt leave. After some what sorting through his break up with Katie, his waking thought was on Jj. The elder had went on one of his self discovery trips with out telling any of the boys. Not even Simon. Of course he knew if Jj didn't tell Simon there was no way he would've told him. It was the truth, but it didn't stop it from hurting.

Every text, every call no response. He felt bad bothering Jj, but he was just worried about him. Then the occasional text Jj would send in the group chat should've helped, but it felt as if a knife stabbed his heart. Knowing that it wasn't accidental that he was being ignored. That it was all on purpose.

It didn't help that with the break up he started acknowledging things he previously ignored. Things that Katie had to shove in his face to realize. That he might... maybe fancy Jide. Which of course sounded insane when he first heard it, but the more time he was left alone, and was able to reflect he began to see it. The way his heart fluttered with accidental touches, or the excitement that blossomed whenever they were put on the same team in a sideman video. Which didnt happen often. Or how he would borrow Jj's hoodies whenever he left his at home. It started to make more and more sense. That was the worse part. It was better when he was naive to the whole situation.

Harry tried his hardest not to let it show when he was with the boys, but he knew they had caught on. That they knew from the very start, but only about the break up. He refused to talk about the rest. Fearing it would mess everything up. But the boys couldn't miss the toxic musk that hung heavily on him.

The group decided that they were going out that night, but Harry couldn't bring himself to. There was nothing left he could give, and he didnt trust his mouth if he were to get drunk. He used some lame excuse, and he was looked at with questioning eyes. It had obviously alarmed them, but thankfully they didn't bring it up. To leave him alone with the mess that's been brewing within him. That's been a few hours ago. Knowing them Harry had no idea when they were gonna be back.

All he really knew was that a drunken Frezzy had already walked off with Lux, and Vik had accidentally broke a glass. But he stopped checking, so they didn't know he was up. They would question him about that especially since the reason he didnt go was because he was 'tired'

Every so often his phone when off, but he just ignored it. It was tempting to check. Just like there was a voice in his head whenever it had something to do with social media, or his phone in general. Harry knew he should've left it inside, but it didn't matter anyways.

Then the sliding of the door caught his attention. With widen eyes he looked behind him and saw someone he wanted to see, but didn't at the same time.

"Jj...?" He kept eye contact with the other. It was obvious the two wasn't expecting to see each other. His heart ached. So many unexplained things went through His head, but he quickly got out of shock. When the older spoke.