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Everybody seems to be afraid of dying...
But I'm not.
For almost six years, I had been trying to chase death...
But I guess I have nine or more lives.
It's frustrating, very frustrating...
to have to kill myself all over again.
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At exactly 3pm, my cellphone rang reminding me that it's time. I get up to take a quick shower. The cold water flows from my pale skin. I wonder if it is as cold as the water on that river. I wear that same dress I've worn exactly two years ago. A simple and flowy white dress that reminds me of that windy afternoon when I first saw him. I stand in front of dusty mirror and comb my long satin black hair. Upon putting the comb down, I saw her picture on a wooden frame. A picture of a woman that I used to love and hate at the same time. I grabbed it and sit gently on my bed.
I despised her so much for leaving me when I was still a child. She told me that she was just going to buy something for me but she didn't come back. My aunt welcomed me in their home together with her daughter, Cherry. They became my family since then. Although they were giving me all the love and care that I have always wanted, I still longed for her. For my mom.
I burried her photo in my chest. Tears slowly form in my eyes. I was a complete jerk! My mind was full of undying ifs. If I have just known earlier, I shouldn't have hated a woman that only cares for her child. If only I knew she has cancer, then I would be able to dedicate my life caring for her. But she chose to kept that burden for herself.
Along with her picture I started walking barefooted outside the shelter of my filthy room and stepped into the world's vast reality. A reality that not everyone would be happy. The wind was embracing me, as if wiping my tears away. I just hope it could also weep the pain inside me. In just no time, I could already hear the sound of rushing water. I know, It's already nearing the end.
One more step and I'm already at the middle of an old bridge. Even now I still adore its beautiful pavement. It's just a perfect place to end a miserable life. This place hasn't change at all. There were only few minutes before 4:30 pm. I Iooked at the cloudy water beneath me where my body will soon lie.
It's quite funny to think that we met in this kind of situtation. It was exactly 2 years ago at this very same spot and almost nearly the same time, where we first saw each other. That was after hearing what happened to my mom. I was only an inch close from loosing my life when he came. I hated him for jumping to this cold river just to save me. I tried to kill myself all over again but he's always there to save my hopeless life. He loves me, I know he had, and for that I have to live. He's the only reason for me to live. We've been happy for almost 2 years but later on I knew something was wrong. He was of tired of making me happy. He was tired of being with me. He was tired of being the purpose of my life. And the most painful of all, he was tired of loving me. I tried to withstand the pain. I tried so hard to forget him but how can I? He's the only reason why I am living! I begged for him to come back but he said he was in love with someone else. With someone that I knew and once I treated as my own sister. He was in love with Cherry. Knowing that felts like my heart being stabbed a million times. They shred my broken heart into pieces and without contentment, they also crushed my very soul. It hurts more than hell! I can't take it anymore! If only he had left me drowning to death, maybe I am already at peace and reunited with my mom. Maybe I am already free from all the burden from this tormenting world. If only I haven't met him...
The sun's warmth was slowly fading and I decided to stand on the bridge's stone railing. The river current was very fast while the wind was blowing hard. It felt like I am already going to fall but I tried to wait for him a little more. Have he read my message? Is he going to come? Would he save me?
Now, it's time. I have to swallow this doubt and end my agony. With crystal clear tears flowing on my eyes, I slowly faced the setting sun that soon will be gone. So am I. I placed my hands on my chest, but there's no stomping heart. I'm not yet dead but I have already died a thousand times. I'm killed by everything that happened to my life and would be killed with the same thing that caused the death of my mom. I'm not going to wait for that day that's why I'm here. But if he would come I would try to live again. But I guess he would not.
With one deep breath I let myself fall. I guess this is the end. I slowly closed my eyes but quickly opened them when I heard someone.
"Corrine! Oh God! Oh God!"
I burst into tears by the moment I saw his face. He came! He actually came for me! I tried to reach for him but I was already engulfed by the harsh water. I can feel it make its way from my mouth into my lungs. I can't scream nor breath. It's as if my voice were encased in the surfacing bubbles. I'm going even deeper. Down to the darkness where my rocky yet peaceful bed was waiting to be laid. If that bubbles can only reached him it would whisper...
"You are late..."
