I Think I'm OKAY

Sex Drive

I smile as the sinking feeling weighs down my limbs. Time slows to the point where I can see every minute detail unfolding before me. There's a head of baby pink hair bobbing up and down in front of me but I'm not talking about that.

It's almost like every noise and feeling around me drones out into silence- creeping, slowly into blissful nothingness for a brief second. Only for a moment, there is silence, there is darkness, there is nothing else besides the faint beating of my heavy heart in my chest. It's fucking amazing.

As all moments tend to go, this one doesn't last very long either and the stimulation of my surroundings rush in like a tidal wave, drowning me in sensory stimulants. I'm suddenly aware of each vibration in the music, each passing of a sweaty and high body that stumbles through the house party, each time this random girl's tongue licks the tip of my cock.

"Shit," I hiss involuntarily before cumming into her mouth. She swallows quickly then looks up at me with a seductive smile so I grab her by her neck and bring her lips to mine. Her mouth is wet and the kiss is sloppy but neither of us cares... we won't remember tomorrow anyway.

"Carter!" I pull away from the girl when I hear my name being called by a familiar voice.

I look up to the stairs and I see the fucking idiot running down in only his jeans. He's carrying a half-clothed female body over his shoulders and she is laughing hysterically.

"Let's go to the pool, man!" he yells even though he's right in my face. I laugh, feeling adrenaline course through my veins. Maybe it's something else. It's probably something else. I don't even know what I just took. The pink-haired girl just handed it to me and she seemed to be having a good time. I wanted that too. That might have been stupid but I've done it before. The worst that can happen is a terrible comedown. I've had worse things.

I pick up the girl with the pink hair and throw her over my shoulder before James and I push through the crowd of unconcerned bodies like rushers on a football field.

We throw 'our girls' into the deep end of the water first. Their excited and surprised screams briefly fill the air before their bodies crash and sink. James jumps in after his girl but before I'm about to do the same, I feel an icy hand on my arm. I turn around and come face to face (more like face-to-slightly above the top of her hair and I have to look down a bit) with the face I've been trying to wipe from my memory this entire time... but I can't be mad.

She pulls my head down towards hers and pressed her lips to mine. She smells like candy and safety and works better than any drug that this party could possibly offer me. I would exchange any brief moment of silence and nothingness to feel her for the rest of my life; I can't have that though. I just can't have it because nothing lasts forever. Nothing this good can ever last long anyway.

She pulls away first, panting. She grabs my hand and leads me back through the house. I follow dumbly like I'm her fucking pet. I am. We both know that I am. I don't question when she leads me to her car and opens the door. I sit quietly and wait for her to get in.

The roads in The Hills are never empty but the traffic isn't as bad as it is during the day. The last time I checked my phone, the cotton-candy girl was sucking my dick at it was around 11 p.m.

VANISH by Giveon plays quietly through her car stereo. This isn't even her car. I don't know where she got it from.

At the first red light, she turns to me and pulls my head towards her. Obviously, I kiss her passionately and only stop when the car behinds us blows their horn.

She laughs and continues driving.

"You're not gonna ask where I'm taking you?" She turns to me briefly and her loose curls bounce at the action. Her lipstick is smeared and I'm sure that it's also on my lips.