Home is where the heart is

The railway carriage was full as it pulled out of the station, passengers sitting cramped together, trying to avoid touching each other in any possible way, all of them purposefully refusing to acknowledge each other. It was a busy night Friday, everyone seemed to be on their way to visit someone.

The tall young man with the amazing blue eyes and wide smile settled himself into his seat, trying to arrange his long legs comfortably without disturbing any of his fellow passengers. Maybe the crowd would thin out a bit later in the journey. It usually did. He'd made this trip so many times before.

He had finally taken the plunge and bought himself a home in the capital, long after his friends had done so. He found it so much harder to uproot himself from the north. He had his family up there. They had theirs with them, the families that they had started of their own. He still had no 'significant other' as some people referred to partners and spouses. No children either. 'Home is where the heart is' went the old saying. He wondered if London would ever be that.

The faces around him changed as people got on and off at their stops. Some of them were familiar. Regular travellers like himself. Working in the city during the week and then going back to their loved ones the first chance they got on Friday evening. They would spend the most important two days of the week with them before starting the whole thing again the following Monday morning. Sundays were hell. Trying to enjoy the day and holding back the night for as long as possible.

The further north the train travelled, the more he felt himself relax. The number of passengers lessened and then suddenly he had the heavenly comfort of being able to sink down a little into his seat and stretch his legs out under the table without coming into contact with anyone. Bliss, he smiled to himself.

It had been a long and tiring week. Mentally draining. They had been writing songs for the new album. Although they enjoyed doing it and were making great progress with it, he found it taxing on the brain. All that thinking! Coming up with new ideas, new ways of expressing themselves. Together they were a winning combination. They seemed to bounce off each other, one idea sparking a dozen others. They'd had a great time working, but it still was so tiring. He'd be glad when they started rehearsals! Physical tiredness seemed easier to deal with. He could handle that!

The windows of the train were darkening now, becoming mirrors of the carriage as the train sped north. It would be completely dark by the time he reached Victoria Station in Manchester. He glanced at his watch. Another forty minutes and he'd be letting himself back into his flat, getting something from the freezer for his tea. Tomorrow he was visiting family. He'd got a kind of unofficial rota that he kept to. With a family the size of his, it was impossible to get around and see everyone in one weekend. It usually worked out that every one got a visit in six weeks! Or sooner if there was a family party. Tonight he was just going to slob out and relax, read a book or watch a dvd, have some 'me' time.

Sure enough, forty minutes later he was sorting through the mail that had been waiting for him behind the door. His tea was in the microwave and he was starving hungry. The ping from the oven told him that it was ready and he took it out eagerly, taking it to the sofa while he carried on sorting his mail.

Having made short work of his meal and washed his plate, he was on his way back to watch his dvd when the doorbell rang. He frowned, not really wanting any visitors and went to answer it.

His visitor stood with her back to the door, but he recognised her instantly.

"Sally!" he exclaimed, opening the door wide to reach out for her and hug her warmly. "Great to see you again, come on in!"

Sally turned and returned the smile, hugging him affectionately and delivering a kiss to his cheek. She stepped inside the entrance hall and looked around her.

"You've decorated since I was here before," she remarked. "I like it!" she smiled at him approvingly.

Jason beamed back at her. He'd chosen the colours because he knew that they were her favourites. They knew each other so well.

"Here let me take your coat!" he told her coming and standing behind her as she took it off. He caught a whiff of her perfume and recognised it as one that she wore when she wanted to cheer herself up. He wondered what was wrong. This was typical of them. To know instantly when something wasn't right, or troubling the other.

"Fancy a drink?" he asked her, already heading into the kitchen.

"Only if you're having one," she answered following him to the counter and leaning on it. She looked at him as he busied himself making coffee for her, putting in two spoonfuls of sugar. He didn't need to ask.

She smiled again and wrapped her arms around herself. They'd only been together for a few minutes and already she felt at ease. It had been six months since they had last seen each other, but it didn't matter. They were just picking up from where they had left off.

She looked at his face. He looked tired, his eyes had shadows under them, like he needed a good sleep. Things must have been getting to him again. His insomnia must have come back. It always did when he was anxious about something. She wondered what was troubling him.

He turned around with two steaming mugs and nodded towards the door, indicating that they go into the living room.

Sally led the way in and sat down on one of the soft leather sofas, tucking her legs under her and reaching up to take the mug from him.

"I didn't know if you would be here," she admitted to him as she took a sip of the hot liquid before placing it on a coaster on the side table. "I just thought I'd call on the off chance."

"I'm glad that you did," said Jason, he too taking a sip of his drink. He leaned forward, the mug in both hands and looked at her properly for the first time. She seemed to have lost weight since the last time he had seen her. Her face looked drawn, her eyes heavy and tired. Something was wrong.

They'd known each other since they were kids. Their mums having been close friends. They had played on the streets together and gone to the same schools. Sally had no brothers or sisters and being with Jason and his brothers so much, had been like being a part of theirs. Then when he had started having success with his dancing and afterwards with the band, they had drifted apart. Their mums had always hoped that one day they would get together but it wasn't to be. Sally's path had taken her to university and later a high powered job in advertising. They had seen each other less and less, their mums keeping the other informed of what was going on.

Several times in the past when they had been going through tough times they had bumped into each other in Manchester. At their childhood homes, their mums having never moved from the same street, they would sometimes see each other.

"Mum never told me that you were back this weekend," they both said at the same time, then stopped and looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

"Go on then," said Sally, looking at Jason, seeing the familiar twinkle in his eyes as he laughed. "You go first."

"I often come back here. You know that. But this weekend I was just needing to be back here. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, like this is where things can be made better. Funny that isn't it?" Sally said. "So what is it that's made you feel like you need home again?" she asked him, watching him lean back into the sofa, his long legs splayed wide before him.

He shrugged his shoulders and let out a deep sigh.

"Hard to say really. Tiredness a part of it," he said, looking thoughtfully into his mug.

"Part of it?" she questioned him, shuffling along the sofa to him, running her hand down his arm. "What's the rest?"

He looked at her, a deep sadness in his eyes. He wrinkled his face at her.

"Nah you don't want to know," he said trying to brush it off.

"Yes I do, or I wouldn't have asked. Come on Jay, you can tell me," she said softly. "It goes no further. You know that."

"Yeah I do," he smiled at her, nodding his head and licking his lip.

He sighed again and grinned a forced grin.

"I suppose you'd call it loneliness. A deep lonesome feeling that only being with others that you love can get rid of. The other guys have their families down there now, but not me. This is the place that makes me feel less lonely I suppose. Whenever I feel like that, I find myself back here again"

"Aww Jay," she whispered to him, her arms sliding around him and hugging him tightly. "you shouldn't feel like that. Not someone like you. But I do know how you feel."

"You do? But I thought that you were all settled with that Bratt bloke," he grinned at her.

"You know full well that his name's Brett!" she retorted. "No that's all off now. We split up a couple of weeks ago. I came home this afternoon to put a bit of space between us."

"What went wrong?" asked Jason, understanding now why she had lost weight and looked so gaunt. "I thought that it was all systems go for the big wedding?"

"Everyone did, including Brett," admitted Sally. "But there was something missing. I couldn't put my finger on it until about six months ago. At first I thought I was imagining things, or it was pre wedding nerves or something. But I just couldn't shake it off."

She sat up and perched on the edge of the sofa.

"Go on," Jason said gently. "Tell me. I told you mine. Tell me your secrets, I'll keep them safe, you know I will. I always have done. Ever since you told me how scared you were of the monster that lived under the stairs in your house!" he teased her.

"You sod! You promised never to talk about that again," Sally scolded him, smacking his leg lightly.

He caught hold of her hand and pulled her back to him, holding her against his side.

"Tell me," he persisted, pushing her hair out of her eyes as she looked up at him.

"It sounds stupid when I say it out loud. Promise me you won't laugh?" she asked him.

"I never laughed at the monster under the stairs did I?" he reminded her. "Did I?" he repeated, nudging her.

"True," she acknowledged. She traced her finger down his chest, staring at the buttons on his shirt. He felt so familiar. His chest hard and strong, warm and so, so right for her. She took a deep breath, suddenly there were tears in her eyes.

"It's just that, it never felt like I was home with him. Like that was where I belonged. There'd be this awful achy feeling inside. So deep in here," she said pointing to her chest. "It never seemed to go away. It only got a bit better when I was home here. With the people I'd always known." She paused and looked up at him. "And with one in particular," she finished on a whisper. "But not Brett, never Brett."

She got up from the sofa and walked to the window, sipping her drink as she gazed out onto the lights of the city.

Jason watched as she stood there, her long dark hair streaming down her back, hiding her face from him as she bent her head slightly forward, wiping the tears from her eyes.

He suddenly knew. Why hadn't he known before. Since she had stepped into the flat, everything had felt so right. This was home. She was home.

Quietly he stood behind her, his hands going to her shoulders and turning her around to face him. His hands ran lightly down her arms then took hold of hers. He raised them to his lips and kissed them gently. Pulling her to him he wrapped his arms around her, his face in her hair, breathing in her scent and gently rocking her. She leaned her face against his shoulder, her hands on his back, pulling him to her.

"I know that achy feeling too, " he told her. "It only goes away when I'm with a certain person too." He raised her face to look in her eyes. "You, Sally. It only ever goes away when you're with me. Am I your certain person?" he asked her hopefully.

"Yes, Jason, you're that certain person for me," she told him tears rolling down her face.

"I'm so glad," he whispered back, his hands going under her hair as his lips gently brushed against hers.

"Jason," she whispered against his lips as he crushed them against hers.

As the kiss ended, they held each other tight, both of them knowing that they really had finally come home.