Don't Let Her Fall Apart

Thirteen

Hearing the hurt in my voice made Kehlani frown. "Dinah, I didn't know you felt that way." She says. "I'm sorry."

I could hear how sincere she was being but I was still hurt. I mean I trusted her with something important and she went and told everyone before I was ready. I know I should forgive her but I'm not sure I'm ready. I sighed "can we talk about this later. I really need to study right now." I told her. She was disappointed but agreed to talk later and left the room without another word.

Sighing softly I shook my head as I looked over at Lauren who was already looking at me. "DJ I know it's not my place to say anything but maybe you should talk to her." She tells me. "And why would I do that?" I asked bitterly.

She frowns "because I can see that you want to but you're scared of the outcome if you guys do talk." She tells me. I rolled my eyes. "I'm not scared Lauren. I just don't have anything to say to her." I said.

"D, I know you and I know you don't want it like this. I get that she hurt you but you guys won't move pass this if you don't talk to her." Lauren said. "You have to talk to her babe."

As badly as I wanted to argue with Lauren I knew that she was right. If I really wanted to get passed this I had to talk to Kehlani but I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to hear what I already know and I don't want that. I don't want to hear that she hates me because I know once I do that it'll break me. Kehlani is my cousin and it would destroy me if she hates me, so I guess I've been putting it off for so long because I just don't want hear what I already know is true.

"Kehlani."

Looking up from her phone she looks at me. "Yes Dinah?" She asked. I played with my fingers as I sat next to her. "Why don't you like me? I mean I've always been nice but no matter what I did you never liked me and honestly I don't understand why. Did I do something?" I asked quickly.

Putting her phone down she looks at me. "DJ, growing up I never had what you had. My father left when I was three and my mom was never around. She sent me to go stay with family members for months at time and would only come for me when she could get something from other people. It was never about me." Tears fell down her cheeks as she looks at me. "Whenever I saw you with both parents and the fact that they loved you so much made me jealous because I didn't have that. I always felt like no one loved me and I took that out on you," she sighs sadly. "When I told everyone you were gay I did it because I thought that maybe now I'll be the favorite. Maybe now someone might love me, but I was wrong." She paused as she lowers her head. "The only thing I got from telling your secret was pushing away the only person so ever be on my side. Yeah we didn't get along great but no matter what you were always on my side and I ruined that." She said. "I let my jealousy get in the way of someone actually loving me and I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry."

Growing up my parents never explained why Kehlani lived with our aunt but I was told that things weren't easy for her like they were for me. I was told to treat her with kindness because that's what good kids do but I didn't know she had it so hard. "Kehlani I can forgive you but please don't push me away like that. I love you and I don't want us to fight anymore." I told her.

She looks at me and smiled a little. "Does that mean you forgive me?" She asked. I nodded "of course I forgive you." I said as I hugged her. She hugs back tightly as she relaxed. "Thank you DJ. Thank you so much."