Tw ; su!c!de, self h@rm, a lot of angst, swearing, drug, just don't read it :)
Listen to "Hold On" while you read if you choose to
𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠
𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠
𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞
𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝
Dropping onto your knees. The fluff of the destroyed pillow scattered across your room. The sting of the tears streaming down your face. It wasn't the sadness that made each tear hurt, but the reason of the sadness. Each of these tears that have fallen have a different reason to fall. Your parents divorce, your failing grades, your plummeting mental health, your failing relationships. Every tear just represented another one of your struggles.
𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐮𝐩 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧
𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝
Each tear that fell, each breakdown you had, every attempt to change, has just caused more pain. Every inch of your body wanted to collapse and give up. You felt pathetic. No one cried like you did, no one cared like you did, this breakdown is your fault.
𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐝
𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝
You needed to call someone. But who the hell even cares, right? This is your breakdown not theirs, they shouldn't have to deal with your problems. Complaining is selfish.
𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞
𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲
Sugawara. The first thought you had, that left just as fast as it came. He's gone, get over it. He left you. He never loved you and never will. He left, and there's nothing you can do about it.
𝐨𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧
𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲
Today. Today you should go meet him. He can help you, he can save you. Stumbling out of your room as the tears stream down your face. You will see him again.
𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧
𝐢 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐲
The car. The car starts with a small squeak. The huff of cold air hit your face as the AC started. He liked it cold. He always loved the winter. The radio blasts, the loud sounds of music that no longer brought you the excitement that it used to.
𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧
Driving down the dark roads. The illumination from your head lights shining across the blackened street. Sugawara, we'll meet again.
𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬, 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲
