The Girl Who Brought Me to Texas

1

It feels so good to have this kind of breeze over my skin again.

I was walking along the busy road of the Houston Medical Center, admiring the buildings in different sizes as the girl beside me hold my hand. It has been months since I've seen an engaged city like this. Well, except for Miami, for sure.

I feel like a seven-year-old kid brought to Disneyland. The only difference is, if I'm going to be honest, I'm not the seven-year-old kid who dreams to be in Disneyland like any other. I don't dream of going to Texas. Never in my life did I have the butterflies in my stomach rummaging when I hear people talk about this state. I never get excited hearing about rodeos, San Antonio, Whataburger or even their famous BBQ.

Sometimes, I get so curious about how Texas looks like. Is it the same as California? Is it a good place to visit to? Other than that, it's merely one of the 50 states for me.

But so you know, I am always known to be a risk-taker. I'm never scared to drop something for one goddamn thing that I know will be worth it, and seeing this girl with disappointment painted in her face — ­knowing she might travel without me — is worth everything I could possibly give up that night. I was looking down at my phone, thinking if I'd input my card details, and up at her, thinking "what is the reason not to?" 

Every second of that moment felt like a ticking time bomb for me. It's a fight or flight situation... it's now or never. So I did what I know I will never regret.

Few minutes later, an email about a ticket confirmation flashed in my phone's notification bar. And if she's the selfish type of girl, she would've jumped out of joy but because she's not, she just stares at me — with sparkling eyes yet hesitant voice — asking me if I am sure about my decision. I smiled in return. Because you see, she loves to put other people's benefit first before her own.

And that makes the little sacrifice more worth it.

I felt her hand squeezing mine carefully so I look at her and like the girl that she is, she didn't seem to care. She would never care for people unless they finally become so important to her. Trust me, entering her life is not easy. You'll come to a point where you wouldn't care if she'll let you in because you have already tried so hard and she'd still barely notice. There are times you'll wonder if there's something wrong with you or if you're plainly not attractive enough, there are times you'll hate her for not saying hi back. But once she finally did, once she opened her door and lets you in, you'll get to know the real her. It's the total opposite. I swear, you won't even realize it's her.

So I held her tighter.

Almost everything in Texas is new for me. From the weather, to the city, to the food, to people, and the things I never imagine doing for one person.

I remember my first time riding a train, I was like a lost kid. I don't know what to do. I don't know where we are heading. But because I am with her, I felt safe. Like I do not have to know our destination, I do not have to know how many stops do we have to pass by to get there. All I have to do is stand beside her and nothing matters anymore.

I remember my first time meeting a girlfriend's friend. I don't know how to act but I just hope it didn't get too obvious that I was awkward. As much as I wanted to join the conversation, I'm just not the type to butt in. Don't get me wrong, I didn't feel like I'm left out. Seeing her happy talking to her friend makes me happier. You don't have any idea.

There's also this one time when we were lost. We've been roaming around, trying to find a certain spot and no one had the courage to ask. I'm not the one to approach people for directions. I get anxious knowing I need to talk to a stranger, but guess what? So is she.

Back then, I wouldn't care even if you won't ask. I simply won't ask, either. You may give up and take it for the team but I will not. Ever. So the fact that I saw myself walking towards a man in uniform, around his 30s, is definitely odd for me. It felt like all my fears and what ifs turn into a blur. All I want that moment is to find answers, just so she could finally rest her feet from wandering around the place.

There are a few more little things that I've done for her that I never did with anyone else. I would ask myself "why" but I know it will always remain unanswered. I couldn't think of any reason as to why I am doing this; maybe seeing her eyes crinkle while she beams at me — just seeing her happy — is more than enough for me to keep going.

Because little did she know...

She, through the hardest times, has kept and will always keep me going.