Okie my name’s Brianna and im the writer and admin of this account. DON’T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY PLS! Me and Servaniegh shared a doc in class so we could talk because our French teacher is lame and doesn’t let us have phones bc shes lame like that. We made Lord of the Flies jokes until it dragged out into a whole story.
I’m the Co-writer, Savannah. This is basically just a 1990 movie parody on crack but we inserted ourselves. This lowkey sucks lmao. I got some inspiration from other fanfics and I credit all used quotes at the end of this chapter. I don’t even know what this is lol enjoy.
Chapter 1
No One:
Brianna when Jack made his appearance in the film: “wait wait thats him, that’s that dude, hold on wait wait (haha) wait”
*debby ryan smirks my way to him*
Jack: *backs away in terror and confusion* ???
Brianna: *runs like a trackstar* “im coming for you!”
Jack: *Runs faster than Phoebe Buffay herself*
Brianna: *screams in desperation*
Jack: *mild panic and confusion turns into terror and all heck breaks loose*
Brianna: *slips on the rock that might crush piggy* 0_0
Jack: *Curb stomps cutely*
Brianna: *watches in adoration “do it again”
Jack: *Alarmed*
Brianna : “did you hear me? again i say”
Jack: *Literally runs away cutely because he is in terror as Brianna continues to Debby Ryan smirk, staring up at him from the ground in a disheveled mess.*
brianna: *gets up and sprints after him, practically teleporting this time being faster than before*
Jack screams as he is tackled to the ground
Brianna: *Gets pulled away by Servaniegh* “Savannah? Where did u come from”
savanahnnanah: “i came from ralph, he just gave birth”
Jack: *eye mouth eye*
Brianna: “thats not possible i have known u for that last 4 years”
Savannah: “my child, no you haven’t. i’m literally 14 seconds old”
Brianna: What? No we had classes in 7th grade
Savannah: *Body slams*
Brianna: *coughs on you* “no! who art thougheth*
Savannah: Just kidding, I am Savannah but ralph did birthed a chld whomst will never be spoken of again in this story
(chld) (did birthed)
Jack: *starts to flirt with sav*
Brianna: Savannah!! Make him stop!!!
Savannah: Watch ya manz you should watch yuh mouth.
brianna: *farts* teehee
Savannah and Jack run away to the hills whilst Brianna catches the eye of a fine young man with glasses. That certain male military student, is the one and only Piggy Birkenstock.
Piggy: *Debby Ryan smirks*
Brianna: O! art thou thy Piggyeth. i dont want u
Piggy: Why not? I cooked up sum delicious pigeons and freshly picked sourcream buckets from the fine trees that groweth from healthy roots deep under the islands depths of the soil.
Brianna: Yeah? well take that whipped cream to wash yourself.
Piggy: I can’t do that because airpod chargers are in short supply. Therefore, the color purple is blue.
Brianna: Well you see my dear dear dear sweet dear vulnerable deer looking Piggy, the answer to your wonderful equation is French is actually a language but more of the number 40, 569 and 7
Piggy: I have ass-mar
*Ralphs head pops out of the sand 3 foots away*
Ralph: “ASs-MaR????//??///? SuCKs TO uR ASS-MaR’
Simon: am i gonna die?
Roger: Yes 👁👅👁
Brianna (In Negan’s voice): WOAH! Now YOU are creepy as ShiTe! Creepin up on me with that freaky asSS Smile! (Walking Dead fans will hear that sentence)
Ralph: ur hot
*Samneric are walking up*
Brianna: What in the off brand George and Fred Weasly is-
Roger: Did you know that the average person has exactly 206 bones, but as new born babies we have 300? The bones morph together as we grow.
Sam: Wow-
Eric: -How
Sam: -Cool
Roger: If you want, I can help you get back the the number 300
Sam: wtf are you implying-
Roger: 😏 you know exactly what i'm implying, sweetheart ;)
Samneric: “I'm scared for my life<3”
Roger: I’m going to add to that fear <3
Brianna: OKAYYYYY! Anyways lets change the subject :) where are we?
Savannah and Jack return
Savannah: Brianna, I think Jack has a crush on Ralph but he SWEARS that he doesn’t
Jack: I don’t you LibTARD!! Chrump 0220 !
Savannah: I hat you.
Jack: Savannah, it is one thing to hate someone but its another thing to hat somebody.
Savannah: I said what I meant and I meant what I said.
Brianna: um NO!!!+!!+ THATS N9Y HOW IT WORKS
Draco Malfoy- UH! I mean Jack! Er, yes Jack Merridew still tries to convince the group he isn’t gay.
Brianna: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT GAY, DRACO MALNUTRITION ????111111???7^
Jack: I look NOTHING like Draco plus I am NOT malnourished. I like the male- I mean female species all the way. #Trump4life #VoteRed #Repubes #GaysAreSissies #IloveWomen
Whilst the island gay- I mean island straight and the girl
argue, another point comes up.
Brianna: do you think that makes you any more masculine? No, Babe. This Isn't french class.
Piggy: Hey, guys! I found this conch that symbolizes law and order that will lead to us to form a government system that drags out into a 12 chapter book with two movie adaptations which showcases the total destruction of rich, privileged white boys and their true nature who split apart into savagery and result in my death!
Savannah: Piggy, we don’t have time for this. Take names or something.
Jack: Yeah Ms. Piggy!
Brianna: No, No. I Think We do. Our "friend" is gonna die!!
Jack: good
Piggy: Blow 😏 the conch Ralph! Like a trumpet!
Conch: I am prepared to be blown by Ralph 😏
Ralph: What
Roger: i eat kids 😀
Brianna: Roger, get over your emo, high school reject, psycho life complex, it's not cute.
The conch gets blown 😏 by Ralph and summons a legion of sweaty, snot-nosed, littleuns.
Ralph: Okay listen up, whoever holds the conch gets to speak, that's the rule.
Littleun #4: Like an assembly?
Ralph: No, it's nothing like an assembly. In fact, no one gets to talk in assemblies. Assemblies just take away your first amendment rights that allows you freedom of speech.
Savannah: What if someone gets hurt?
Piggy: Hey, I just met you.
Savannah: Yeah, that about right-
Piggy: And this is crazy.
Savannah: You're crazy-
Piggy: And you don’t have the conch!
Savannah: But-
Piggy: SO SHUT UP MAYBE!
Draco Malfoy I mean Daddy jack💦🍑: Daddy Jack here , we don’t need to worry about that because-
Piggy: YOU DON’T HAVE THE CO-
Brianna: But that's a logical thing to be worried about jack
Piggy: *confused sounds* CONCH!
Savannah: Why is Piggy the only character whose appearance stays true to the original book? Jack, why are you blonde?? Ralph, why are you brunette?? I expected James Aubrey. Simon, why is your hair not blacK?? I have so many questions.
Brianna: SAVANNAH THIS IS NOT THE TOME GOR YHIS. WD ARE OM AN ABAKNFONF ISLAND WHEF THERE IS NO PEOPLE- SCRSTCH THAT. NO ADUKYS. WE SHOULD NOY BE ASKING WUESTIONS LIKE TJIS. And that's on orr!
Ralph: Who is James Aubrey-
Savannah: who?
Ralph: You were talking about something called The Lord of the Flies and James Aubrey
Savannah: what are you on?
Jack: ON THIS DI-
Ralph: I’m talking about this alleged “book” you speak of.
Savannah: No ones talking about any book hoe
Ralph: Uh, anyways, if we wanna get rescued we oughta build a fire and have rules. It will be a steady signal.
Jack: WELL ACTUALLY! I say that if we wanna get rescued we ought to build a fire and have rules. It will be a steady signal.
Ralph: You're so smart jack
Brisna: Who is the leader?
Savannah: Lets have a vote! Who wants who!
*loud noises*
Brianna: I WON
Jack: I guess you won the election, Ralph, even though it wasn’t even an election -- people just shouted and we just guessed the majority vote but this movie is nowhere near as accurate or superior to the book so it makes sense.
Ralph: Book??
Jack: What book?
Brisna: THE book
Ralph: WHAT MOVIE??? WHAT BOOK???? WHO IS JAMES AUBREY???
Savannah: That just confirms that this Ralph is Balthazar Getty because Ralph had anger issues in the 1990 movie and in the 1963 adaptation Ralph was chill.
Ralph: WHO IS BALTHAZAR GETTY??
Savannah: WHO? Did you smoke sum island weed? Lmao
Brianna: he didn't but i did👁👅👁
Roger: I supply it.
Ralph: OKAY OKAY! I'M CHIEF GOT IT????
Brianna: date me
Ralph: shoore lets go make out
Brisna: Go make out where? Under the sea? With Simon?
Simon: What
Ralph: No, we go behind that rock where Jack curb stomped you
Brisna: ok
And so, on the island of Coastal Rico, next to Chigaco, stroming around the city -- the legion of littleuns, the two young girls (are you lost baby g0rl?) Draco Malfoy- uh Jack! Jesus child, emo kid, the conch blower and asthmatic kid must face the challenges ahead.
References:
The part about Negan was a reference to the character in the AMC Premier’s show, The Walking Dead. Negan’s one liners always make us laugh.
When Savannah was talking about James Aubrey and Balthazar Getty, we took inspiration for this bit from a fanfiction called Therapy by Thalia Poet on fanfiction.net. It was such a funny writing so you should go check it out!
Lastly, we had a section where Piggy sang a parody of Call me Maybe to interrupt Savannah when she spoke without the conch. This was inspired by a bit from the story LOTF Movie Parody: 1990 Version by Satan Abraham on fanfiction.net. Go check it out and give it some love.
𝐠𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 @𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐨𝐟𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐡 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 ♡︎シ︎
