Found when lost

LOST...
Lost in the oceans of right and wrong,
Lost in the oceans of good and bad,
Lost in the oceans of heartfelt and heart-broken.
Loss is only thing left to loose.
And so I am holding on tight to it...
But I know loss is must,
So letting it go is what I need to do...
But what I want is not this.
My needs and wants should not differ,but they do...
I am who I am,
Should I change?
Not for anyone else, but for me,YES.
I am loosening my grip on things,
Not to loose them,but to know them.
I want to know.
I want to know how everyone thinks,
I want to know what everyone does,
I want to know every part that is essential.
But I cannot.
Cuz that is not what I have to do.
As I take a step forward, I go four step backwards.
This is natural...is it??
Nothing is natural for me, until and unless I know why and how it has happened.
I am ready to let go off my present to think about my future...
Cut I am in love with my future,knowing this is not what is to be done,
I still do it.
Don't have reason for it, but not wanting to stop.
I have build and emerald sea with poisoion.
Even though it is poisonous I am swim in it,
Because that is built my me.
No,I don't have arrogance over things made by me, but i just can't give up on them and turn to what others want.
And that's it.
I do love myself, but I also wanna change..
Not your you,
Not for her,
And even not for him.
For my self and myself only.
I do things, wrong or right...
But i do it for myself..
I am walking on the path with lights at all.
But still walking which is never not courage deed.
I than I choose to do my chores in it.
Therefore, I should be proud of who I am and what I am.
I am lost...
For the reason to find MYSELF.