Secrets of Summer - THE SPECTER SERIES [book four]

Chapter THIRTY ONE

Kirby Carter

You try to hide your true feelings.. Mostly because you aren't entirely sure of what they are.. A complex mixture of empathy and fear.. Compassion and frustration.. He is not a bad man.. You can see that.. It has been obvious to you the entire time..

But he is not a man without scars.. And he holds so many secrets.. Way more than you ever could.. Somehow he walks around without showing a trace strain from the weight he carries on his shoulders..

Now, by the soft light of the flickering television.. Those scars are cracking open.. And he is finally letting you inside..

"It was better for Lyra and Lacey to keep thinking I was dead.. And after Lyra passed.. I paid off the house and set up an anonymous scholarship fund, so that Lacey could go to medical school and keep living at home.. It was about all I could do for her from a distance.. After she had already suffered and mourned twice, I didn't think showing up, back from the dead, would really be best for her.. Especially with everything I'd become connected to.."

That is what Lacey had meant when she had said she didn't see her brother for a very long time.. She thought he was dead.. For years.. This is why he left the CIA.. They used him.. Lied to him and stole his family.. Robbed him of those precious last moments he could have shared with his mother..

"She only recently learned that I was still alive.. And it was a bit of an adjustment.. To say the least.. She's been through.. Well, she's been through a lot for someone her age.. And I know its all taken its toll on her.. I just don't know how to fix it.."

Reaching out, you brush back a loose lock of sandy blonde hair from his forehead.. "You have to talk to her, Hunter.. You have to tell her what happened to you... Tell her how you actually feel.. Because she doesn't know.. And if you don't give her the truth, the real reason you disappeared from her life, she will always believe it was her fault.. That she is to blame.."

His eyes search yours.. "You're right... But It's me who's to blame.."

You shake your head.. "Nobody is to blame, Hunter, that's my point.."

He frowns.. "I don't think you understand the things I've done, Duchess.."

You pat his shoulder giving him a pointed stare..

Does he really underestimate your ability to put these pieces together?..

"Oh, I understand perfectly.. You're a government sanctioned criminal.. And a massive hypocrite.. Which we will definitely be coming back to.. But, sixty people are dead because of me.. If anyone can understand doing what you have to do to survive in a shitty system.. Its me.."

He leans back, closing his eyes.. "I never told anyone about any of this before, Kirby.. To be honest.. You're taking it a lot better than I was expecting.."

You half smile and half shrug.. "Probably because I'm still processing.."
He chuckles sounding relieved.. Lighter.. Leaning forward to take the beer from the coffee table and draining half the bottle in one pull... "One thing I'm not quite clear on.."

He arches an eyebrow with an amused huff.. "Uh-huh, Only one?.."

You tip your head, peering up at the viking with inquisitive eyes.. "How does Ellerie Devereux fit into all this?.. I thought she was FBI.."

He shakes his head.. "Nah.. She quit there a few months before they brought that bullshit lawsuit against her.. Now she is second in command at Specter.. The firm has no official government ties.. But we do work with organisations that do, from time to time.."