Roisa In Litchfield

Rose's Conflict

Summary:

Rose finally catches up to Luisa (after days of having Luisa avoid her) and they talk.

I saw Luisa walking towards me, realize I was there, turn around and walk, as fast as she possibly could without running, in the opposite direction. This had happened a lot recently and I couldn't figure out why.

(She doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. You did all of that, risking your plan, staying in Miami longer and everyone found out who you were, for her and she doesn't even want to be near you anymore. That's what you get for doing something as stupid as falling in love). I thought. Well, more accurately, Sin Rostro's thoughts sneered at me.

I had always thought that the story of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde was nonsense but it was the best way to describe this my situation. I was two completely different people: Sin Rostro (the sociopath, not feeling anything, not caring about anyone, murderous side = the side that caused me to kill Luisa's father) and the side I displayed when I had pretended to be both Susanna Barnett and Eileen (the caring about Luisa, caring about Luisa's feelings, protecting Luisa, putting Luisa first, feeling guilty over hurting Luisa, etc. side = the side that Luisa brought out, the side that makes me feel anything that isn't anger, frustration, small amounts of pride or nothing).

Luisa had changed me. That much was clear...But what I couldn't figure out was... If it was a good thing or not? On the one hand, my feelings for Luisa were why my plan hadn't gone to...Well...Plan. My feelings caused everyone to find out who I am, they caused me to constantly hurt Luisa, they caused me to stay in Miami longer just in case there was even a slight chance Luisa would want to be with me

(which was very pathetic, to be honest)

and they caused me to end up in Litchfield Penitentiary.

(No. That was Luisa's fault. She fell for Rafael's very clear trap.)

(But Luisa didn't force us to go with her. We chose to.)

(No. You chose to. Always putting her first. You've gone soft.)

But... On the other hand, being with Luisa caused me to feel happier than I'd ever thought was possible for anyone to feel. Yes, my feelings caused me to feel scared that Luisa wouldn't want to be with me or that Luisa would wake up one day and realize that she deserves someone better than me

(No. We deserve better than Luisa. She always chose Rafael when forced to choose between him or us. So stop moping after her like some goddamn lost puppy!)

(But Luisa made us feel...Complete...Like we'd been missing something, and we never knew, and that something was her.)

(You. Luisa made YOU feel complete. Not me. Get your facts right!)

She always knew how to complicate things for me.

I walked towards the library, hoping to find some more LGBT+ books (I was constantly searching for more books, films and TV shows with lesbian representation in them (even if they were only side characters) but it was getting harder and harder) when I saw Rose standing outside the library. No one looked good in orange but Rose could, somehow, just pull it off. 'Red was always seemed more her color, though,' I thought. My thoughts then drifted to the red dress that Rose was wearing that July 4th all those years ago when we'd met. I let out a quiet sigh. I'd always loved that dress on her.

I quickly turned around and stalked off in the opposite direction as fast as I could. Hoping Rose hadn't noticed me, I turned around the corner and walked back towards my dorms but I felt someone pull on my arm and I was pulled into a supply closet. I turned around to ask 'What the fuck do you think you're doing?' but before it came out, I saw Rose. I'd been avoiding Rose for the last two weeks and I didn't want Rose to know that I had been avoiding her.

But ever since Rose and I had started talking again, right after I was starved out by Red and Rose had fixed it (Not that Rose had told me that she'd fixed it. In fact, she'd explicitly denied it when I had asked her but who else could've would've done it?), I had started to feel that undeniable, magnetic, sexual chemistry begin to consume me again.

I couldn't let that our relationship start again. I'd just managed to convince Rafael to pick up when I called. If he knew that Rose and I were back together again or even just having sex again (and I didn't trust myself to control my impulses (I never had when it came to Rose)...) Rafael would immediately cut me off. (Or, at least, this is what I would tell anyone who would ask me but there was a reason I needed Rafael to pick up when I called... Not that anyone but me knew that.)

But that didn't stop me from fantasizing about the redhead all day and night. I couldn't stop thinking about getting Rose underneath me again. I didn't trust myself being close to Rose. I knew that I'd give in and kiss Rose and, with us, literally everyone knew where that kiss would end. With me in Rose's bed, falling asleep in the redhead's arms, after having at least four incredible, mind-blowing orgasms. "What are you doing, Rose? We're not supposed to be in here."

"Do you seriously think I give a fuck about the rules? Why have you been avoiding me, Lu?" The smile that had been on Rose's face when she'd pulled me inside had disappeared. It was clear to me that Rose had thought she'd done something wrong. "Did I do something?" This was one of those times when I had hoped that I was wrong. Rose had done nothing but be there for me, ever since we had met (including the night we met), up to this exact moment. Rose was concerned about me, Rose cared about me, Rose loved me. Rose had always loved me and been there for me no matter what. Unlike everyone else in my life.

"You didn't do anything, Ro." This was the first time I had called Rose 'Ro' since she'd gotten arrested and Rose looked shocked at my words. Rose looked even more shocked when I pulled her in for a kiss... But this didn't stop Rose from responding to the kiss enthusiastically. As we reluctantly pulled away, only because our need for air had become too strong to ignore any longer, Rose asked me: "What was that for, Lu?"

"I just... I was an idiot to think I could stay away from you for another month?"

"A month? What are you talking about?" Rose seemed seriously, extremely confused.

"When my plan works and we get out of here. Legally and..." I linked my hand in Rose's. "Together." Rose only seemed even more confused.

I could leave whenever I wanted but I stayed longer because I couldn't take Luisa with me and, after what happened with Red, I wanted to make sure Luisa was settled in Medical and going to be okay before I left. (Of course, I'd been kidding myself so far... I knew that I couldn't leave without Luisa...) But... Everything Luisa was saying was confusing me... How could she come up with a plan, to legally get us out of here, if I couldn't?

"What plan? I don't think I could ever legally get out of here, Lu," Luisa just smirked at me.

"We can. I just need... Rafael's help with something. That's why I've been avoiding you... I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from kissing you... You're just too irresistible... And, if Rafael found out, he'd be even more unwilling, than he is now, to help me. I needed either, his or Elena's, help... And we both know why the latter is not an option."

"Why-"

"Elena hid something I need and Rafael was with her when she did. He was a child. I would need to access his childhood memories and for that, I need him to willingly help. If he found out about this... About us, he wouldn't even talk to me and I need him to."

"So...I didn't do anything?" Luisa chuckled.

"No, Ro. You didn't do anything." Luisa chuckled again as I visibly relaxed in front of her.