FAIRY TALES CLASSIC AND NEW (Vol. 1)

FAIRY TALES CLASSIC AND NEW (2020) BY JOHN TAN

VOLUME 1

1: PRINCESS INCORRUPTIBLE (OR, SNOW WHITE) (From GRIMM)

THEY, the wandering-the-world-over tourists, would ever and always hear with wonderment, and, without the slightest hints or signs of weariness, when the citizenry of Y-- asserted that 'twas upon a dark and dreary February morning that Snow White came into being; so soon, as this was talked about and discussed, and following this up it was being pointed out to them that those semi-circular colosseum-like hills girding their capital city were covered thickly with immaculate snowy aprons, and the King's subjects: housebound, fast sleep, or having their delicious piping-hot venison-and-warm-beer, or a succulent pasta dish and beef-tea-cum-eggnoging breakfast.

Ten o'clock, the hour, had been a-tolling; and, in Castle Du Qunoy a young Queen, a most industrious young body, was looking up from her morning's sewing from her secluded place at her window-seat beside her embroidered and agate-bead and gold inlaid work-box; when she saw many flocks of famished ravens fluttering their wings about outside her many-tapestried and spacious closet. Those reconnoitering fowl of ominous apparel had been trying to find any edible refuse, despite the snow coming down; doubtless from being attracted by the smells that had wafted in the swirling-white-atom-filled-eddying-air: faintly redolent in the winter atmosphere, as it were, the young Queen now knew: of those undercooked, and burnt bits of bacon rinds, spoilt beef steaks that wouldn't keep, and scraped off, and raw ends and oddments, such as, firearm-pellet-dotted skins and entrails of coneys and sow's flappy ears, pettitoes nobody wished to eat, and suchlike crap, the Castle's perpetually busy bevy of fat, royal cooks had been accustomed to fling, higgledy-piggledy-piggledy; or, in dollops and sheer hurry; out their big kitchen windows.

At that moment her silver needle slipped and she pricked her careless finger and a single globule of her blue blood fell on the snow, for she had indeed been leaning too far out of the wide sash window. 'Ouch, I do declare--' as seeing polka-dots, exclaimed she; and made a wish, hoping "that heaven will bless her with a daughter whose hair be sable as the color of a raven's wing, whose lips, red as blood, and who will be fair—as fair as the purest virgin snow!" aloud: an idea entirely new to her; a novelette kind of summary to her morning's dour experience, until, one by one, she discovered the ravens, having gorged themselves, winging away; cawing as they went; and she put her thought out of mind and continued her stitching when the birds were completely out of sight. Afterward, it was now late in the dun-colored and sere and drab, rainy autumn, the Queen gave birth to a little babe girl, the only child the King and the Queen were destined to have. 'Shall we name her Princess Lucille, Maud or Katherine, my darling little wifey-wifey?' asked the proud father, the King, in high glee excitedly; the baby having, at last, been allowed to be brought before his Majesty's presence for the royal inspection. The Queen, hereupon, suddenly remembering her some time ago impulsive wishes -- the child itself, being as fair as snow; had beautiful coral lips; and, tiny crops of her straight hair no less than jet-black -- the mother, now aptly communicated her personal view regarding the matter; so that the King at once heartily concurred; but not before flashing his altogether scarcely-seen-although-endearing, gay, mustachioed, little smile at her while nodding his head heavy with the pressing full weight o' his ponderous crown; because, for her Majesty, the blushing Queen, in relying upon her royal and mother's prerogative she had made her mind up in that instant declaring, 'Ah! no, my dearest, right royal highness; hubby, mine very own; Charles VI; I'm really sorry, honey; but I dislike all of those decidedly homely female Christian names you'd sang aloud just now, but let it be settled between ourselves right this very morning that the lovely and pretty darling royal infant highness sleeping in her ivory and osier bassinet next week be simply christened our little Snow White.'