I Hate To Admit, I'm Still Missing You

Don’t you think we should take some pictures here?
We need to remember this moment!

Jeongin was right. 

That’s the only picture of them that is left now. It has been 2 weeks. And he never saw Seungmin anymore. He said he will come back, but he never did. He never picked up his calls, or answered his texts. 

It’s so strange to spend his time alone without Seungmin bothering on every little thing he did. No one woke him up at 6 AM anymore. No one scolded him for not doing dishes or for not studying. No one asked him about his day. Seungmin was the only person that cared about him, at least that’s what he chooses to believe. 
He’s the longest one that stayed. 
But now he’s gone. 
Just like everyone else. 
And Jeongin was left alone again. 

He opened the drawer beside his bed, taking out 4 pieces of polaroid. It was the pictures from their last vacation, at the park. 

Stop taking pictures of me, Jeongin!!
I don’t like it.

Jeongin giggled weakly when he remembered how Seungmin yelled at him. It’s easy to take Seungmin to any placesㅡhe just need to bought him an ice cream afterwardsㅡ, but to take a picture of him? That’s a different case. It’s so funnyㅡor sad?ㅡthat despite their long time of friendship, they barely had any pictures of them together in one frame. Usually it’s just his blurry pictures that were taken by Seungmin and Seungmin’s forced smile pictures. There’s no “their” pictures. It’s only Jeongin’s and Seungmin’s. 

Those gold memories… he sighed.

He hates to admit this, but he misses him, a lot. 

He met Hyunjin on his way to uni this morning. Hyunjin is his only friend now. He met him on his first day at uni. He’s a popular guyㅡwhich is pretty botheringㅡbut it’s okay. He has a great personality and he’s nice, at least for now. They went to the same class, and Hyunjin always sits with him. At least, he’s not alone. 

They talked a lot, about everything. Hyunjin is an only child and he once lived in Las Vegas for a few months, so he’s pretty good at English. He has a dog named Kkami, and not gonna lie, his dog is adorable. Sometimes Jeongin goes to Hyunjin’s house after uni, and spends their time together. It’s better to be like that, rather than staying alone in his apartment and crying over Seungmin. At least he could ease out his pain for a moment. 
Just for a moment. 

That day, Hyunjin went to Jeongin’s apartment. They were trying to finish their due-tomorrow work together. They finished the work on time. Once more Jeongin realized that Hyunjin is a funny guyㅡwhich makes the time flies so fast with him. It’s so nice to find a friend like that. 
He laughed a lot that day, thanks to Hyunjin. 

It has been a month since Seungmin left. No calls, no texts from him.
Jeongin grumbled angrily, messing with his phone. Seungmin has yet to answer, after a whole month of silence and not answering his calls. It’s getting beyond annoying. 

He couldn’t hold it anymore, now it was time for drastic measures. 

With Hyunjin’s help, he could finally find the phone number he was looking for. He dialled the number, and now he waited. 

“Hello, Mrs. Kim here.” the woman sounded tired and exhausted.

Despite the twinge of guilt, Jeongin carried on.

“Hey Mrs. Kim, this is Jeongin,” he flicked through his notebook lazily, staring at Hyunjin as he got inch closer.

“Oh! Jeongin, it’s been a while. It’s nice to hear from you my dear.” 

There was a short pause.

“Do you need me for anything?”

“Ah, I just wanted to know if Seungmin is with you?” Jeongin paused to lean back in their chair, looking at the ceiling. “I have been trying to get a hold of him, but I got nothing. Did he change his number, or is he on a trip or something?”

There was a really long pause.

Jeongin glanced at Hyunjin and shrugged, wondering what happened on the other side of the call. 

The sob threw him off. 

Instantly, he stopped leaning back, and pushed his chair closer to the table, a look of concern crossing his features.

“Mrs. Kim?” he bit his lip nervously. 

“Oh Jeongin, I thought you knew.” Seungmin’s mom sobbed, it’s getting harder and harder to hear her.

“Knew? Knew what?” Hyunjin tried to get closer out of curiosity, but with a wave of Jeongin’s hand, he backed up slightly, still hovering. 

“Seungmin has been fighting cancer… and lost his life last Monday…” 
The world numbed around him, eyes going wide as Jeongin lifelessly hung on to the phone.

“We found him Monday evening in his apartment… it was too late for the doctors to do anything-”
Her sobs broke through the receiver of the phone, but Jeongin numbly kept it against their ear.

“Thank you. I'm sorry, Mrs…” 
He muttered softly, ending the call then and there. 

Before he knew it, tears were falling down his face, choked sobs burning at his throat. Hyunjin tried asking what was wrong, but Jeongin couldn’t stop crying to say a word. 

Thoughts ran through his head, images of their friendship and those moments they spent together flinging through his mind. 
Seungmin lived alone… Seungmin lived alone and died alone… without family- without friends…

Seungmin's soft voice from their last conversation echoed inside his head. 

I will come back here to meet you soon! 
I won’t give up and please wait for me, okay?

“You’re a liar…” 

Four pieces of polaroids inside the drawer, the firstㅡand lastㅡpictures of Jeongin and Seungmin. 

The blurred pictures were taken by Seungmin, and the two others are the pictures of Seungmin’s forced smile. 

That’s all that left from their years of friendship.

The rest will only remain in Jeongin’s memories. 

He can only remember Seungmin’s bright smile, his laugh, and everything from his memories.

fin.