AI Hottie From Another Universe

Portal in the Bathroom

It was the night before Halloween, and I was curled up on my blue suede recliner like a cat, clutching a mug of hot tea in one hand and a scrapbook in the other. My sisters told me it was silly to keep scrapbooks when phones had bottomless storage, but I couldn't bear to part with a single one of the worn-down dog-eared pages. I traced my hand in swirls over the familiar faces of family and friends, packed together at Christmas parties and weddings, changing from giraffe-legged teenagers into tattoo-armed adults. It was my nightly ritual, as mindless as brushing my teeth or feeding my pet tortoise Louisa. I lived by re-living.

I was about halfway through the scrapbook from my sophomore year of college when my phone rang, vibrating on my antique blueberry-colored side table. The opening bars from the The Hobbit theme played until I picked up.

"Hello?"

"So I'm guessing you're drinking your leaf water in that crappy apartment right about now, am I right?" The sounds of pots and pans clanging in the background filtered through the receiver along with my sister Kayla's voice. Kayla was a married woman now, with two messy kids in a house where she was perpetually half-submerged in the sink washing dishes.

"No, I'm at a rager downtown, about to get blackout drunk and go home with a stranger." I sighed. "Where else would I be?"

"No need to get sassy, I just want you to get out and live a little. You have to stop moping around your apartment like the Grinch."

"It's Halloween, not Christmas."

"Whatever. Halloween is actually the reason I'm calling anyway. My gal pal is throwing a Halloween bash at her place tomorrow night, and you have to go. I won't take no for an answer."

"No, Kay." I wasn't in the mood for her cheer-me-up schemes. Sometimes life was just gray and no kaleidoscope-colored glasses could change that. "I have to feed Louisa at a scheduled time each night and be up early for work in the morning. Besides, I'm just... not ready yet."

"You have been saying that for an entire year like it's a personal get-out-of-jail-free card, but you have to get back out there." Kayla's children made sounds in the background until she hushed them and their little feet padded away on the hardwood floors. "It's like horseback riding, you know? When you fall off the horse you have to get right back on or you lose the nerve."

Kayla just had to make it about horseback riding. Besides being a fantasy literature nerd, Kayla had been obsessed with all things equestrian since she was in diapers. I had been subject to hundreds of Kayla's hand-me-down horse pajamas and horse-themed children's books. When I moved out I swore to never own a single article of clothing with so much as a hoofprint.

"Yeah, well, this isn't horseback riding, Kayla." My chest was tight and my voice cracked on the words. "Dad died. I'm a college dropout. I'm not in the mood to pretend I'm happy at a party."

Kayla sighed. "Are you any happier coalescing with your couch in that god-awful apartment? Dad dying hit all of us hard in different ways, babe. I know y'all were close but you have to stop living in the past. And for the love of god, please leave that complex before one of the structural supports goes on strike."

I scowled down at where I had merged with the armchair a bit, hating the fact that she was right. My foot had been sucked into the vortex under the right arm rest.

"It's not that bad."

I looked around the living room of my apartment, seeing it from Kayla's perspective. It was a little rough around the edges, sure, but so was I. The paint was cracked and worn on the walls because the apartment was ancient, likely not repainted since the 80's or 90's. Some old moth wallpaper had been pasted on the kitchen walls to hide the rain stains, but it couldn't entirely be called an improvement since the moths were ugly shades of brown with big compound eyes. The only pops of color came from my small army of cacti in pots on every available surface, crammed on the window sill and the kitchen island.