⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide subject ⚠️
[I am back again with one last chapter on what would have happened to Tendou if he didn't decide to take his life away...]
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[Listen to: Frailty (for the dearly departed) - Hammock]
During a nice peaceful day in the park, Tendou patiently waited for Ushijima on a brown wooden bench. Joyful laughs of children playing could be heard afar. Tendou didn't want to wake up this morning. He was having more fun sleeping, and that's really sad. It is really unfortunate to have this mindset, as it was almost like a reverse nightmare. For example, when you wake up from a nightmare, you're relieved, but for him, it was like waking up into a nightmare instead. Tendou noticed Ushijima quickly approaching and scooted over to make room for him to sit. After greeting him, he stared deep into Ushijima's dark green eyes, which gave him a boost to get onto his feet and insinuating that he wanted a hug. Once he felt more comfortable, he wanted to bring up what was bothering him. Tendou began talking.
"Ushijima... I am not feeling too good right now. I feel depressed. You don't understand the desperation of having someone say, I love you just the way you are because you're wonderful. You don't understand that I don't remember anyone ever saying that to me. My personality is so demanding, and it is difficult for my friends because I crumble and fall apart. I want them to love me even though I am not fun. I lie in bed, I cry all the time, I do not move, I do not-"
Ushijima interrupted Tendou by kissing him in public. He wasn't afraid anymore of anyone judging him or how his family would react if they found out. He loved Tendou. The redhead cried. He could not get a word out. It's so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it is not mental, It's physical, like it was physically too hard to open his mouth and force words to come out. When they do, it is not smooth, and it doesn't work in conjunction with your brain the way ordinary people's comments would. It felt like words come out in chunks as if it came from a crushed-ice dispenser. You stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you keep quiet.
"Do you... love me, Wakatoshi~kun?"
"With all of my heart."
They walked over a bridge, alongside a deep river. The type of river that you could rip your skin off against sharp rocks if you fell in. It could cause you to meet your death in a second, without any suffering. Even though drowning sounds like an unpleasant way to die, it sure seemed like an attractive option. Staring at the flowing water, Tendou wondered if Ushijima would not care about him anymore if he disappeared forever. But that was wrong. It would stress him out if he saw Tendou jump off the bridge. If he committed suicide, it would give Ushijima depression for weeks, for months, for years... forever.
"Don't you understand Tendou? How much I love you, and how much I wouldn't want to live without you?"
Ushijima placed his hands on Tendou's, stepping forward to kiss his cheek.
"I feel like I am a burden... Our love is too different for us to be happy. I was just a mistake-"
"There is not a person in this world who is a mistake, no matter how different that person may be!"
People walking by started noticing the argument, watching from afar. Wakatoshi started yelling at Satori, getting tired of the way he kept degrading himself. He took his hand and dragged him away from the bridge.
After what happened at the park, both lovers decided to get away and booked a night at a hotel, spending some much-needed quality time together. Nothing meant more to Tendou than spending time with the love of his life. The red-haired man went outside and sat on the stairs staring at the pink and purple LED lights glimmering in the neighborhood. Ushijima observed him and smirked. Looking backward, Tendou says;
"Wakatoshi~Kun, are you alright? you're looking at me funny."
"You are beautiful."
If Ushijima didn't drag Tendou off that bridge and spent time with him that night, the latter would have fallen into a coma. Spending a week in a cold hospital room and eventually pass away.
[Tendou's POV]
I felt like my heart was broken, that I could not feel joy again, that at best there might be a little contentment, but nothing that will help. Everyone I knew wanted me to get help and save my life. "Try and pick up the pieces and move on."
I tried to, I wanted to, but I could not do it. I had to lie down with my arms wrapped around myself. Eyes closed, falling asleep, grieving. Until Ushijima came into my life, I had no real supporters; however, our love was somewhat forbidden. It created an uncomfortable sensation in my soul, pain in my heart every time I looked at him. I thought of him and spent time with him... Depression. That emotion is considered a disease. Please... depression isn't a disease. It is a normal response to abnormal life experiences. No one should be feeling depressed on the regular. But you know what, life is cruel. What can we do about it? Everyone goes through storms. Some go through more significant storms that feel like they go on forever. But once that storm is over, you don't remember how you were able to make it through. You aren't sure whether the storm is over. But one thing is sure; when you get out of that storm, you won't be the same person who walked in.
I look at him, and the most important thing I realized was; I'm not alone.
You are never alone. Happiness is a choice, but it is also genuine. Because there are good things that can happen, if we focus on those moments that depression is trying to take away from us, we will find happiness.
Life is not cured. It is managed.
In bed, face to face with him. Feeling his warm breath hitting on my pale skin. He closed his eyes two minutes ago, but I know he is still awake.
"Wakatoshi~Kun?"
"Hmm..?"
"I need one of those hugs where you kinda forget whatever else is happening for a minute."
He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead.
Time and time again, I pinch myself when I see you next to me. You are a dream come true, Wakatoshi~Kun. The chances of meeting you are like finding a needle in a haystack - a miracle happened. That is why I call you; my miracle boy~
