When You Smile (Engineering Student #3)

Chapter Twenty Five

Chapter 25

Memories of being hurt and being abandoned are the worst of all. Those memories I kept hiding with myself all those years. I thought that those pains will somehow give me strength, and that it will serve as my motivation but I was wrong. Habang tumatagal, habang kinikimkim ang galit at sakit, mas lumalala lang pala... ngayon, sobrang sakit na.

Ever since that day, I build a wall. I build a wall that only few can pass through in my life. I had bad and painful experience which led me to have some trust issues to people. Feeling ko kasi kapag may makikilala akong tao sa huli iiwan din ako kaya para saan pa ang pakikipagkaibigan kung sa huli mawawala rin sila?

I woke up the next morning with a heavy heart and feeling. Mabuti na lang day off ko sa trabaho. Someone knocked on my door.

"Casper, anak," si Mama.

I combed my long black hair using my hands and then I get up. Suot ko pa rin ang damit ko kagabi. Nakatulog ako kaagad dahil sa sama ng loob kaya hindi na ako nagkaroon ng oras para makapag-ayos pa.

When I opened the door, I saw Mama carrying a tray of food. Napatitig ako sa hawak niya saka nilipat ang tingin sa kanya. I can feel that my eyes were swollen. I know for sure that Mama already has an idea on what's going on.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. She's sitting across me here in my bed. I curled up and hugged my knees tight.

"Nag-away kayo ni King?"

"Ayaw niya sanang umuwi kagabi eh kaso alam kong mas makakabuti kung umuwi muna siya at para malamigan na rin ang ulo mo."

I looked at Mama—the only person in my life who will not leave me. The only person in my life that understands me completely. I think she's the only one that I have right now.

"Am I that hard to understand?" damn, don't cry, Casper. "I trust them but why they are always hurting me?"

"Am I that bad person? They judged me like they knew the whole story. They always judged me. Ako ang palaging masama kaya wala akong nagiging kakampi." I shook my head. Walang naniniwala sa akin kasi mahirap akong paniwalaan.

"Sabi na eh, sa huli ako pa rin ang naiiwang mag-isa. Sa huli wala rin pala akong kakampi. Sa huli wala pa rin pa lang nakakaintindi sa akin."

"But have you ever tried to understand them too?" she asked that made me paused. "Sometimes you need to understand them as well. Hindi lang palaging ikaw ang iniintindi."

"Is it bad?"

"Hmmm, siguro. Mag-usap kayo para malaman niyo ang problema."

Problem? My problem was them. Too bad they're kinda related to King. Ayoko umabot sa punto na mamimili si King. Nakakatakot... nakakatakot malaman kung sino nga ba mas matimbang. Kagabi nga lang eh, parang alam ko na ang sagot.