Art of Dying

15

My heart drops.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant George. 6 months. Look." She says, pulling up her loose sweater.

"Is that-"

"Yes. And it's a boy."

I gulp loudly and put my hand on her stomach.
I can feel the baby in there and can't help but smile.

"That's really my baby?" I ask again.

She nods.

"The question is however, will the baby have a father or not?"

I gulp loudly. What do i do?

"Yes. Yes of course." I say.

"I'll be there for him. Always."

"Olivia..." i say softly. "Why don't you go home i have some...some things to take care of." I stammer.

"Of course daddy."

She kisses my cheek.

"I'll give you some time to take care of your beloved Maddie." She taunts me.

She gets up and lets herself out.

I fall down onto the bed and close my eyes.

What am i going to do?

I can't just leave this baby. I want it to grow up with both a father and a mother. I want to give it the best life it could possibly have. Even if that would mean having to live with a woman i don't love.

But Maddie. I just got her back. I can't let go of her again. I don't know if i'll be able to handle thah. And  oh my...i would break her hard.

I can't believe this has happened to me.

Time passes and before i know it, Maddie gets home.

"Hey." She smiles as she sees me laying on the bed.

"I've been looking for you all over. You okay?" She asks as she falls down next to me.

"I screwed up." I say.

Maddie giggles. "Oh no. Tell mommy all about it." She jokes.

I sit up and so does Maddie.
I sigh.

"Maddie...back when i was with Pattie i used to have an affair with this woman called Olivia. I ended everything the day i found you again. But..."

"What Geo?" Maddie asks as she puts her hand on top of mine.

I look into her eyes. Guilt eating me alive.

"You can tell me anything."

"She dropped by today. I...She...She's pregant." I say.

Maddie gasps loudly and retracts her hand.

"With your baby?"

I nod.

"And you're sure it's yours?"

I nod again.

"What does this mean for us?" She asks, staring at the wall.

"I don't know. Maddie i don't want to lose you again. I love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you. But then..." i fall silent.

"But then Olivia came and gave you the great news. George-" Maddie sighs, taking my hand.

"I know you. You are not the kind of guy that would let a woman, pregnant with your baby, alone. You would never allow the baby to grow up without a father. And you know what Geo? You're right. You shouldn't."

I nod. She's right. I would never do that. I want to be there for the baby.

"Maybe we just weren't meant to be." She sighs.

Maybe she was right. Maybe this was the universe's way of telling us that we were just not meant to be together.

"You should go to Olivia and tell her you want to be there for her and your baby. Tell her that..." she inhales sharply. "Tell her that you want them to move in you and that you're gonna make the best of it."

A tear cascades down my eye. My heart is breaking. But...but so is hers.

"What are you saying Maddie?"

She smiles and caresses my cheek.

"I'm saying that i'm letting you go. And this time for real."

"Maddie no. This can't be the end."

"Maybe one day when your child is all grown up, and you still want to be with me, i'll be waiting for you. But you have to do this."

"But can't we just keep us a secret then? I'll raise the baby with Olivia but we could still keep seeing each other." I plead like a desperate child.

"You know that won't work."

Maddie sighs and gets up. I can tell she's fighting to hold back the tears.

"My sister still lives in my old appartement in London. I'll move in with her for a while. I'm gonna leave in the morning, before you wake. You can always call me George. If you need something or someone to talk to. And you should know, that no matter what, i will always, Always love you." She says before planting a kiss on my cheek.

"But can't you stay until the baby is born? Maddie what the fuck? We can't just fucking end things like this!" I say angrily.

"It has to be this way George."

I get up and grab the ring from my pocket.

"I was gonna fucking propose to you tonight! You were gonna say 'yes', we'd get married, have children and live happily ever after!" I say angrily, sweat and tears running down my face.

Maddie gasp and finally allows herself to cry. We both collapse onto the floor where we hold each other tightly.

"I don't want this either Geo. This is so hard for me too. But it has  to be  like this." She cries.

I open the little box and take out the diamond ring.

"Mädchen Müller, if we ever get the chance again-"

We both laugh through our tears.

"Will you marry me?"

She allows me to put the ring around her finger.

"But don't put your life on hold for me. Live your life. But if we ever get back together again, somehow. Will you?"

"Yes." She sobs before falling into my arms and kissing me.

I cherished this moment for i knew it was goodbye.
It was beautiful but it was goodbye.