Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter XX: Psychiatric Situations

[ DISCLAIMER: This episode contains depressive themes and suicidal thoughts. Please read with CAUTION.]

~Recap~

Blood soaked the floor as Damien fell to the ground. His head was spinning and it was getting colder. His last thoughts were ok Sophia. The girl who he loved. His ultimate desire.

As the deed was done, a creek could be heard at the door. The same small brown haired girl entered the house. The mess surprised her, and she ventured further in search of Damien. Finally she reached the living room.

"Damien?!"

~~~~~~~

I had made my way over to his house in search of something. Maybe to just have a home. Or somewhere to feel safe and not alone. I managed to find my way back to Damien's secluded neighborhood, and it was not at all difficult to find his house.

I walked in and treaded carefully. The whole house was a mess. What had happened? I didn't even know if Damien was home right now. I kept looking around until I made my way to the kitchen. The letter I left him was laying there. I could only imagine how much I hurt him. How much of an awful person I was.

I went to pick up the letter when something caught my eye. Blood covered the ground and part of the couch. Damien!

I ran into the living to see him lying on the floor half dead. I quickly sat next to him and checked his pulse. My heart was racing as I searched for a pulse. I-I couldn't find one! I didn't know how to properly do this!

Damien's eyes fluttered open and a few tears fell. I too started crying. I screamed for help. For someone to save him. There was nothing I could do and I felt so helpless. I looked back at Damien who was still crying and wiped the tears from his face. He would die in my arms because I couldn't help him. . . .maybe I deserved it.

"Sophia," Damien weakly said.

My attention was immediately grasped by his words. His once passionate eyes now looked tired and weary. "Yes Damien?" He took deep breaths as he struggled to get air. I found myself hugging his body tighter to keep him close to me.

"My dying wish has been granted. It's ok now."

I let out a loud sob as he said that. His last wish was to see me? And he said it's ok. He knows he's not going to live. My vision was clouded by tears, but I felt him grab my hand. The same warm feeling that came over me last night. The feeling that could warm a thousand cold nights. The feeling that I never wanted to leave me.

I pulled Damien's limb body next to me. His breathing could not be heard. I thought he was gone, when he said two words.

"The letter."

The letter? After he said that, the life drained from his body. The weight of his death weighed me down physically and emotionally. It's done. He's truly gone and can never come back. The tears altered, but only for a moment. In that moment I contemplated my life. What was it without Damien? There was really no point anymore huh?

Just as the moment came, it ended with a roar of emotions. An indescribable feeling overcame me. The rush of pain and anguish was far too much. I couldn't wrap my head around it all. But all I could do was cry. Cry about my life, and Damien's now lost life. I had no power over anything. What was done is done.

I cradled Damien's lifeless body in my arms. I held his close because holding on to him might just make this all go away. Maybe this was all a bad dream and I would wake up soon. I need not to cry because I wanted to deny the fact he was truly gone. Damien couldn't be. I couldn't have let that happen.

I spent forever sitting on the living room floor covered in blood. The blood from the wounds he used to kill himself marred my skin. His once sweet scent was still fragrant on his shirt. All these things that he left were heartbreaking. Then I remembered what he said. The letter. My letter? The one I write to him, or maybe something else?

I wiped a few tears from my red cheeks and set Damien down gently. I passed a mirror on my way to the kitchen, and I was horrified. My face was raw from crying, my hair was messy, and I was covered in blood. I looked away from the sight. I never wanted to be reminded of my reflection. Because when I saw it I thought of him. My attention was then brought to a letter with another piece of paper beside it. I made sure to wipe some of the blood of my hands to pick up the paper. It was adjacent to the letter I left him. It was still in great condition. I hesitantly opened the letter knowing this might be the last thing I ever have of Damien's.

It reads:

Sophia my dear,

You left me a letter as closure for leaving me. Now I will do the same. You may never read this because I doubt you'll come back to this horrid house. I wouldn't want to. You wrote out your feelings to try to understand them. But I know what I feel. I love you Sophia, and you may not feel the same, but the chance you might read this is enough. Just to imagine your face and destroy the root of your trouble is my desire. I knew from the start that I could not have love. I didn't deserve it. So instead of destroying the object of my ultimate desire, I chose to destroy myself. . . . So this is my goodbye. My last words for you. I love you.

I love you. . . . .