Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako narito. Sa pagkakaalala ko ay hinila lang ako ng isa sa mga kaibigan ko.
Nilibot ko ang paningin ko sa paligid. Ang daming tao. May kumakain at may kumakanta naman sa may intablado. Ang ingay but it is kinda refreshing.
"Here's your order, ma'am, sir."
Natawa nalang ako sa mga kasamahan ko, ang daming order. Tsk tsk, mga patay gutom.
"Kyla, kain ka ng marami. Jusko porket broken hearted ka ay magpapagutom ka. Kain lang ng kain" Napapailing nalang ako. Nanahimik nga ako rito, napansin padin.
"Tumahimik ka, siya yung broken hearted dito pero tayo yung nagpapa libre," umiiling-iling na sabi ni Chris sabay batok kay Ella. Ngumiti lang iyong huli at kumindat.
Nagkatuwaan pa kami at nag-aasaran. Nangunguna na dito ang aso't pusang sina Chris at Ella. Ewan ko ba sa dalawang 'to, I never once see them agreeing each other.
Natahimik kami nang mapansing tumahimik ang paligid. Anong meron?
Napansin kong nakatuon ang kanilang atensyon sa stage kaya tumingin din ako. Pagtingin ko ay nanlamig ako. Even my friends weren't able to move and utter a single word.
Those messy brown hair. That perfect nose and red lips. Ang mukhang iyan.
He's here. How? Why?
Nakapikit sya habang nagtitipa sa piano. Kahit ganoon pa lang ang ginagawa niya, ramdam mo ang emosyom nito. Napalunok ako, ilang beses prinoseso kung totoo ba talaga ito. At nang mapagtantong di ako nanaginip ay kaagad akong tumayo para sana umalis pero napahinto ako nang marining ang marahan at malamig nitong boses.
Don't go tonight
Stay here one more time
Remind me what it's like, oh
Napatagil ako at unti-unting lumingon. And there, I saw him looking at me. Mga matang nagmamakaawa at tila pagod. Napabaling ako sa mga kaibigan ko na nakatingin din sa kaniya at iyong mga nakapaligid sa amin. I turned my gaze back to him and he smiled as he closed his eyes.
And let's fall in love one more time
I need you now by my side
It tears me up when you turn me down
I'm begging please, just stick around
Napalunok ako ng paulit-ulit kasi ramdam ko ang pananakit ng aking lalamunan sa kakapigil sa pag-iyak.
His voice says everything. He is hurting and he is begging. He is asking for a chance. He is begging for someone to come back.
Gusto kong umalis pero gusto ko ding manatili. Gusto kong makita siyang nasasaktan but at the same time ay ayaw ko. And as much as possible ay pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong umiyak.
I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me
I know that your love is gone
I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy
Don't tell me that your love is gone
That your love is gone
Shit. Napatakip ako sa aking bibig at di na mapigilang lumuha. He is hurting. I close my eyes para sana patigilin ang mga luhang walang balak huminto sa pagbagsak. But it just won't stop.
I open my eyes and I met his gaze. He is crying. Napapikit akong muli nang maalala ang gabing iyon.
"Hey, let me explain." He held my wrist to stop me from walking away at pinaharap sa kaniya.
"Explain? No need. Naiintindihan ko naman e kung bakit mo nagawa iyon. It's for my sake, right? Pero kasi ang sakit lang, hindi ko maiwasang masaktan." naiiyak na saad ko.
"I'm sorry, please. Hindi naman ako nagsinungaling, may hindi lang talaga ako sinabi sa'yo."
"My point exactly! Naiintidihan kita because you were honest and it was for me. Nasasaktan ako kasi may hindi ka sinabi sakin, I am hurting because I feel like you betrayed me. Betrayal is a lot more painful than dishonesty, did you know that? Ang sakit sakit kasi you didn't cheat, ang sakit sakit kasi you weren't dishonest, ang sakit sakit 'cos you're a traitor. Paano mo nagawang hindi ipaalam sakin ang ganoong kalaking bagay."
Palagi nalang ganun, he was loyal and honest but little did he know he was already hurting me. I was his love and priority, but he never chose me. He never cheated but he is a traitor.
Hindi ko napansin na tapos na pala. Nakatitig lang kami sa isa't-isa, oblivious about our surrounding.
I wiped my tears at naglakad ako papuntang stage, tila naman naintindihan niya ang gusto ko kaya tumayo siya at ako naman ang umupo sa may piano. I cleared my throat and start pressing the right keys.
Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself
But you shoulda told me that you were thinkin' 'bout someone else
You're drunk at a party or maybe it's just that your car broke down
Your phone's been off for a couple months, so you're calling me now I know you, you're like this
When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it
And like me, I did
But I ran out of every reason
Kahit nakapikit akong kumakanta ay ramdam ko ang mga tingin nila, ang titig niya. Umiiyak man ay nagpatuloy ako. I opened my eyes once again. I look at him and sang the chorus. Sa kantang ito binubuhos ko lahat ng sakit, pagsisisi at pagmamahal. Sa kanta ko idadaan ang mga salita na gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya. Mga bagay na dapat niyang malaman at maintindidihan.
Now suddenly you're asking for it back
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had
But I don't really care how bad it hurts
When you broke me first
You broke me first
Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya kahit na tinapos ko na ang kanta. Umiiyak man, nakakakapanghina man ay nanatili ang tingin ko sa kaniya. I know we are making a scene but I don't care. I just want to memorize every bit of his face because this might be the last.
Again, he is crying and so am I. He is hurting and so am I.
I really love this man but it won't do. Not anymore.
Gusto niya ng chance but it is too late. Ayoko na...tama na.
He may be loves me but it won't do because it is too late. Masyado ng masakit. Hindi na mabuti ito.
I love him, so much that it hurts. I love him but I lost myself.
Siguro ito iyon. The moment we have been waiting for. Hindi man kami nakapag-usap but the song that we sang was enough to answer and express what we feel.
I gave him a smile before slowly standing up. But before I left, I mouthed... "Goodbye"
Masakit man na iwanan na siya pero mas masakit ang manatili. It will just ruin us. We have to find ourselves and heal.
That wasn't really a goodbye it was kind of a see you again. Because I know that I might heal in the long run but my feelings for him will stay the same. Hindi madaling kalimutana ang isang tao na halos buong buhay mo ay nadoon.
Ganun ko siya ka mahal. If ever we meet again and nothing has change baka pwede na. Laban na ulit but this time, no more quitting. Laban kung laban.
Till I see you again, my love.
im_mkg
