Innocent Tears

Prologue

Socializing. Is. Freakin. Hard

That's what I thought. Then and now. Nothing's changed. I'm still the usual creepy, skinny, nerdy, braces wearing girl, sitting in the back of class.

I'm not boasting myself or anything. But, I'm actually a clever and diligent girl.

And my other specialty?

Stay quiet

Nothing's going to disturb you if you stay quiet. It's the safe zone. Not giving you any benefits and not giving you any loss. Not risking anything.

Apparently, staying quiet isn't that effective either

I got labeled: The mouth-stitched girl

I feel insulted. Yes. Who doesn't?

But still, if you fight back, they'll be even more aggresive.

They do it in whispers mostly. But it was still better than an everyday insult shoved into my face.

I felt that in Middle School. I fought back. Got mountains more insults and bullying.

I got tired. I got depressed. Nobody's been my friend. Nobody cares. Everybody just walked away following the popular and great bully.

My family's been there for me. They treat me well, very well. I love them.

If you're thinking if I cried or not, I did. Not once, not twice. More.

They said I wasn't socialable, I know, I don't follow news and music well, I'm not that good in technology, and I'm old-fashioned.

It crushed my heart. They don't like who I really am.

I changed, drastically.

I turned quiet. Not speaking a word unless necessary. I didn't trust anyone. I work alone. Me, myself.

I didn't care anymore

It was too much.

And it changed when I went to High School.

The bully moved to a different school.

And some of my old classmates, who used to follow the bully, are going to continue in the same school as I am.

Everything went better. Well, not better, I still am quiet and I still mostly get insulted in hushed voices as 'Mouth-stiched girl'. And I still don't have any friends.

But still, better. Maybe 10%. The insults went down to only a little and I got to be left alone a lot of times.

Better

Better

Better

No

Nothing's better

I'm afraid. Scared. Worried. Desperate.

I'm afraid of the future. Afraid of what mistakes I'll do. Afraid of everything, the world.

I just want to squeeze myself into a dark corner and stay there forever

That's all I thought. Everyday. Every minute. Every second. Every stare. Every judgement. Every sentences.

I want freedom. I want confidence. I want bravery. But I can't, I can't never do it.

I, I want to cry.