Breaking me down

Untitled Part 1

Depression. Screaming. Crying. These are human emotions - something i thought i was above, but now... now i am feeling. And i HATE it. HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE. I HATE you Shizu-chan. Without even knowing you slowly broke down my defenses, my blockade. All of it crumbling like a castle, left to decay on hills their shadows jagged teeth on the lands. Toy soldiers, toy soldiers. I controlled them, I was on top and now i have hit the oceans depths. And it hurts. My chest hurts. I hate you because i love you, and i love you because you're perfect to me in every way. My chest hurts because its  bursting forth with a thousand colours, flowing as they breath into me. And i loook into my eyes in the mirror and i see all my crimes - you make me mull over what my everyday life is. I hate you. I hate that i love you with all my being.

Norm P.O.V

Izaya sits on the end of his bed, elbows on knees, face in hands. He wants to stop. He needs to stop. Izaya's dead bloody eyes look at the dark scars on his arms that are normally hidden by his sleeves. He knows his love is unrequited because he is himself. This is why his arms bleed, why his eyes are dull, and it hurts him, it hurts him that he the great Izaya Orihara has sunk this low. It makes him sick. He makes himself sick. He sighs and goes to get up only to find that he is too dizzy to traipse to the bathroom. A small thine grimace dances on his features. Oh the humanity. Just death. His sight was dancing in and out of darkness as if sleep was mocking him. He didn't care anymore. He wanted it to stop. And that's what it did.

beep. beep.
Hey Izaya its Shinra...... and Celty. We haven't seen you for a while and.... Shizuo say's he hasn't as well.............. Yeah i know Celty. We're coming to check on you.
beep. beep.

Its dark, and cold. The apartment is in a way in its own mourning state. This is what the headless rider notices. Before his body. He looks asleep, so calm, so peaceful, like a sweet lullaby was sung to him. Then crimson. Crimsoncrimsoncrimson. So much blood. Too much blood. Celty panics all thoughts flying in a whirlwind of confusion and worry. Carefully she lifts up his body. Cold. So very cold and delicate, you wouldn't of thought that such a frail body would be tough enough to take a hit from Shizuo. Celty  leaps, she bounds. Her bike travels faster than it ever has. But is it still enough?

~TIME SKIP~

Beep....Beeep............Beeeep.................Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Flat line. Oh god. 
Shinra finaly pulled the plug. He'd tried everything, Cpr, jump starting his heart, blood transplants. It was as if he had lost the will to live. What up set Shinra more was how short Izaya's list of people to notify when he died was. His sisters, him, celty and maybe Shizuo, Shinra deep in thought didn't hear the clattering and thumping from the hallway as Celty attempted to stop the monstrous force. Shizuo Heiwajima. Shinra had just started to slowly pull the white sheet over Izaya's head, only to be stopped by Shizuo's voice.

"Hey who's kicked the bucket now?" Shizuo's laid back tone and his dismissive posture made him seem cool and collected. Shinra swallowed past the lump and forming tears.

"No-one." The words were like a wound having salt put on it, because Shinra knew that was what Izaya believed he was. It was the reason he does what he does. Did. Did what he did. Shinra rubbed his eyes having spent most of the night up trying to re-start Izaya's heart. But he was lying to himself, he was rubbing away the incoming tears. Shinra tried to smile hoping that it would be enough to fool Shizuo, but by the slight frowning he gave up with a sigh.

"Fine." Shinra breathed as he lead Shizuo to the sofa.

"Are you sure you want to know who it is right at this exact moment?" Shinra laced his hands together and looked Shizuo dead in the eyes. Shizuo had an inkling to who it was. He nodded his head slowly.

"....Izaya.... Orihara." Shinra looked down at the floor as tears started to burn his eyes. He knows Izaya wasn't the easiest person to get close to, but he was still his friend. Shizuo on the other hand couldn't believe it, he was neither ecstatic or sad he just was. 

"So.... whens the funeral?" Shizuo asked his curiosity peaking.

"Soon. Very soon." Shinra confirmed his voice cracking as he looked down at the ground gulping air in between sobs that shock his body like an earthquake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time skip.... Again.... ehehehe~~~~~~~~~

Shizuo P.O.V

Why did the Flea kill himself, i might not like him... but i can't understand why? My hand gripped Vorona's small hand that emitted a comforting heat up my arm. I sighed looking down at the newly made grave. But what it read was strange, and suddenly it hit me the only people here were me, Vorona, Celty and Shinra, his sisters couldn't make it, more like didn't really care, and the only person who was really close to Izaya was Shinra, so to the rest of us:

' "You're not afraid of heights. You're afraid of falling." '  

Didn't make sense. Who knew that the flea was poetic...was. The first time i read it i couldn't believe that was something the Flea of all people would say. A small ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TIME SKIP~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinra's mad at me and i don't know why, he won't tell me, he won't show me. Heck! He won't even drop a hint for me to look at, and it all started the day after the funeral when i said me and Vorona were engaged. He looked at me, like i had said that i was going to join a circus. I asked him to be the best man at my wedding.... I ended up having to ask my brother. 

"Hey, Shinra." I was around his getting a wound fixed and decided to ask him again, probably for the millionth time.

"Why are you mad at me?" i looked him in the eyes daring him to keep it from me for longer. Slamming the lid of the first aid box Shinra looked at me eyes glinting, summing me up.

"Have you visited Izaya's grave since the burial?" Shinra asked, i shook my head slowly earning a surrendering sigh from Shinra.

"Do you know - have any idea why Izaya did that to himself?" Shinra had his head in his hands.

"No, why?" I asked resting my chin in the palm of my hand.

"H-He killed himself because..... because he was in love with some-one who would never love him back." Shinra breathed in slowly in and out. My thoughts left my head slamming the door on their way out.

"Who?" I asked before i relised what i had whispered in my gasp for breath. There was a beat of silence then:

"You... He loved - loves you. And he always will even in death." I swore right then my heart stopped. Unrequited. 

"Thank you." My voice was gravily and chocked as i left Shinra's I finally understood why Izaya never got bored of me. And it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

Norm P.O.V

The four figures all in black, so strange for the warm weather, but it contemplaits the morbid atmosphere of the group. They stand around a grave stone, far away from the grave yard and under a tree, where even after death knows it will be forgotten, for he is nothing and he is nothing now. Izaya Orihara lays here. It's been a year since his death, Shizuo married Vorona, celty and Shinra are going to. And here he is stuck because he was himself. Not even in death will he find comfort. And that's Okay. Its always okay. He's always okay.