It all started when I was younger. I didn't know it yet but I was a mess. Life seemed perfect through my eyes, I was popular, smart, adorable. I didn't know what sadness was unless u counted not getting a toy from the store. I would always get a gut feeling, one U would get on a scary ride, but it was like pain, it didn't feel good. I thought I was sick all the time but that was not the case. I didn't know it yet but the unknown sadness was already the death of me.
As a child my parents would always come home fighting at 2am in the morning, I always felt helpless because I couldn't do anything about it. They would do this at least once a month.
My family would always yell at me because I would cry for no reason and get upset over the smallest things. Over the years everything was like this and I just had to live with it so advantually I got used to the pain. When I was in 4th grade things got worse. I was bullied, and no one liked me. I honestly had no one and I had no way of letting my feelings out. This was the year that I started cutting. I cut up and down my legs to point where I had to over lap them even more then they already where. Over the summer people started talking to me again and gave me another chance. 5th grade was coming and I wanted to show people that I've changed. The first month of school people realized that I was a better person and there was always someone at my hip. We had to do reading groups but without the teacher and I was in a group with kylie M and Olivia M. Kylie was almost never there so it was just me and Olivia. We became really close really fast and she became my best friend. Olivia and Maddie L where also friends As the jealous freak I am, I went phsyco I wanted Olivia all to myself. I did everything I could but nothing was good enough. This caused me to feel worthless and alone which didn't help my depression out at all. The whole year I just had to tuck away my jealousy and just spend time with the both of them. Summer came and Olivia and maddie lost contact so all summer it was mostly just Olivia and I at the pool all the time. This summer I had so much hope and everything was perfect. Towards the end of summer, Olivia met a girl named Gretchen. She would always say how nice Gretchen was and how she wanted to get closer with her. I always told myself, just want till middle school or as my sister called it hell.
