I see her beauty and she sees mine, hidden to the outside world but brighter than anything to me. Her pale, almost transparent skin outlines her delicate, lanky structure. People say she worsens every day, but I still see the bright eyed, bubbly girl who joined the hospital about a year ago. A girl with fiery hair and porcelain skin strode into my room, latching on to her mother while still wanting to satisfy her curiosity. We instantly clicked, she was the only one who understood, who made me feel normal. She calls me an angle, but I still feel like the ugly, stupid girl the rest of the world sees. I know I’m not right, I’m stupid. I can’t speak, I can’t think, I’m just stupid. She talks about how my hair flows and my eyes glimmer. I just see a stupid little girl. To everyone else I was just retarted. Retarted. RETARTED! Shh, calm down, its ok now. To Cassy, I was perfect.
Fragile fingers coated with sugary pink polish, gripped a gaily decorated brush. Sadness filled her eyes as the bristles flowed through my sun kissed hair.
“Why can’t I be as beautiful as you Anna? I miss the way I used to be.” She wined.
I guess they are right, cancer does change people. Her smiles and laughs used to be eternal, but now it seems as if they have been replaced with tears and sorrow. She always talks about a better place. Up there, in the sky. She claims that it’s better up there, no cancer or anything of the sort. It almost seems as if she wants to leave me sometimes. NO! She LOVES you! Never talk about her like that again! I’m sorry, you’re right.
“No,” I slur, “you are beautiful. I love you.” I wanted to say so much more but my voice seizes. Frustration overwhelms me, I jab my hand into the concrete wall, blistering my knuckles. “You’re stupid!!” I scream, but my mouth doesn’t seem to realize. Instead a series of gibberish flows out.
“No you’re not.” Cassy reassures me in a soft tone. It amazes me how she can decipher my words. She is now grabbing me from behind, cradling me, bringing me back to life. “You’re perfect.”
Tonight was hard, I couldn’t sleep, and I had too much on my mind. I just sat there, waiting, watching, for something, anything. Then it came, I overheard the small chatters of the doctors in the room over. Voices filled with worry rapidly spoke of Cassy, with great concern. Her final surgery has been scheduled for tomorrow; they say if she makes it through the night, the cancer is gone. Forever. She probably doesn’t want to wake up tomorrow; she wants the better place, up there. NO ANNA SHUT UP! I fall to the floor, overflowing with tears, she wants to stay! Cassy loves you! No she wants to die!! NO!!! Please don’t leave me Cassy, I need you.
The rest of the night, I watched Cassy, waited for her to rise. At about eight o’clock, her soft lashes fluttered and her emerald eyes widened. She greeted me hello, but all I couldn’t respond. I looked at Cass, the person she was and who she is now, and realizing that tomorrow she could be gone. Nothing else matter at that moment. A crystal teardrop flows down my cheek, as my eyes become clouded. My world swirls, and darkness overwhelms me, nothing seems real anymore. Thud.
I am woken up by the warmth of gentle fingers brushing my back, the soothing fingers glide across my spine almost lulling my back asleep. “Anna. Wake up Anna.” As I process the unfamiliar voice, I turn a bit blocking the sound. I crack open my eyes to reveal Dr. Missy is beside me, but I quickly shut them, falling back asleep. I hear it again, but not wanting to leave the comport of my slumber, I refuse and pivot again. Over and over, I’m shaken and begged to wake up, but I simply shrug it off. My plan seems to work until I realize why they needed me to wake. “Cassy is dead.” The words freeze in my mind. My body shuts down, my heart shatters, and I fall to heap in my bead. Emotions flow through me a waterfall of tears gushing through my eyes, endless screaming fills the room. Dr. Missy pats my back, but in return, I scream, banishing her from my room. I lie there broken, my life is over. After the wave of sadness, anger follows and hits hard. Why, is the only word in my mind. Why did they kill her? WHY? Cassy she was mine, but now that she is gone I am NOTHING. Now I am just a broken shell of what used to be a person. She was my life, all I ever had. I swear the person who killed Cassy MUST DIE.
I leave my room, being careful not to alert the staff. The doors of the doctor lounge swing open, as I slyly slip in. There she is, Dr. Missy, she killed Cassy and she will be dead soon. She is just sitting there so innocently, she KILLED Cassy, yet doesn’t feel the guilt. I know I am doing the right thing, this for Cassy right? Noticing that I got too caught up in my thoughts I slip around the corner. I grab one of the knives, perfect for incisions and continue onwards. Just a few more steps and bam! Everything will be better, right? I put my worries behind me and set up for the attack, 123. I leap towards Dr. Missy pinning her to the floor. No escaping now, you get what you deserve. She frantically whimpers, crying for her life, but it doesn’t faze me. I line up the place the blade of the knife in the center of her forehead, applying enough pressure to allow a drop of blood escape. “YOU KILLED CASSY. YOU MUST DIE!” The scream filters through the hospital, but it’s too late now. I pause for a minute, and turn the knife around. I killed Cassy. The knife penetrates my skull and I quickly fall to the ground. Blood gushes from the wide gash, everything is better now.
