life may not be fair but it sure is beautiful

Loving a mistake

"Princess Jiwoo, this is Jung Jinsoul, youngest daughter of Jung Sungman, Keeper of Treasure. She came to visit the city for the first time and the duty was given to me as a tour guide." Jungeun explained as she gulped loudly. "She was actually hoping to meet you, what a pleasant coincidence!"

Jiwoo, still keeping her neutral face, got closer to them. "Jung Jinsoul, right? Would you like to have tea, in my garden?"

Jinsoul, seeming star-struck, shook her head furiously as she bowed and followed the princess. Jiwoo gestured her maids to set down a low-table and cushions smoothly as a servant came by to ask which tea would they like.

"Maeshil-cha is my favorite, you wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not, your grace. I also love it." Said Jinsoul, occasionally stuttering.

All three of them made a move to settle down at the table when suddenly Jiwoo raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"What are you doing, Kim Junghyun-sshi?"

Jungeun, who was just about to sit on her usual cushion stopped mid-action. "Sitting down, your grace?"

Jiwoo moved her hand to her mouth, a bit too dramatically, and gasped. "You are going to have tea with us while the garden entrance is unguarded and any stranger is free to attack me? What if you can't notice the attacker and fail to react quickly and I end up dead? How could you live with that?"

Jungeun, resisting the urge to roll her eyes, bowed and apologized. "You are right, your grace. That was foolish, irresponsible, and defiant of me. I apologize sincerely." She said as she walked to the entrance.

She could see, from the corner of her eye, that they were talking and laughing at something. Jinsoul, who eventually got over her stuttering and excitement, was joking with the princess.

For the next half hour, they chatted as Jungeun stood still at the entrance, her hand on her sword for any kind of danger. Not that anyone but guards could manage to get in the palace this far and carry a weapon.

The garden, as it was well lit with candles and lanterns, was still glowing in light even if it was dark outside. Remembering that she had to take Jinsoul back to her house, Jungeun walked back to their side.

"Princess, if you wouldn't mind, I have to take Jinsoul back home. It is way past her curfew."

Jinsoul who was frowning looked at the princess with a shred of hope in her eyes. Maybe she would ask them to stay a bit more.

"I wouldn't want to make your family worried, Jinsoul-ie. I hope you get to your home safely. As long as you're staying here, in the capital, you are always welcome in my garden. There is hardly ever a good company here, no one intelligent enough to talk to, unfortunately." Jiwoo said with a genuine smile, which Jungeun could see through. She was insulting Jungeun as well as complementing Jinsoul. She was clever, alright.

"I am honored by your kind words, your grace. I will come back if you will have me. Good night, my princess." Jinsoul bowed as she blushed.

Wishing the princess good night, Jungeun led Jinsoul towards the outside.

"She is so nice, oppa! I never thought that someone who's royalty would be this down-to-earth. You are so lucky to be in her service."

"I am lucky, indeed." Said Jungeun with a sigh. "She is wonderful, isn't she?"

Without realizing that Jinsoul stopped walking, Jungeun took a few more steps.

"Oppa. Are you in love with the princess?" Jinsoul asked loudly as if no one was around to hear. Jungeun, eyes widened with surprise and horror, rushed to her side and dragged her to the nearest alley that seemed isolated.

"Are you out of your mind, Jinsoul? Are you wishing for my death? What if somebody heard you?" Jungeun angrily whispered. "What kind of question is that?"

"Relax, will you oppa? Nobody heard us. And I asked a real question that I think the answer is positive." Jinsoul stated with her arms crossed. "Will your feelings interfere with our marriage?"

Jungeun, nearly choking on her own spit, could barely talk. "What marriage? I didn't agree to anything! Nothing will happen between us!"

Jungeun regretted her words a bit when she saw Jinsoul's eyes got filled with tears. "Are you being serious with me, oppa? You won't accept me? Why? Is it because I'm ugly? Am I too plain for you?"

Jungeun held her face in her hands and groaned with frustration. "No, you are beautiful, Jinsoul. You said it yourself, I love the princess." She said, using Jiwoo as an excuse.

"No, that's not it. You know you can't have the princess, you are not irrational." Jinsoul said as a-matter-of-fact, her eyes shaky with tears. "Is it because you are a girl?"

"How-you-what are you saying?" said Jungeun, her head getting heavier with every sentence. This was too much.

"I am not stupid. It is obvious that you are not a man. You lack some things."

Jungeun's eyes darted to her own crotch with embarrassment.

"No, I meant that little thing boys have in their neck that keeps moving every second."

"You mean my Adam's apple?" Jungeun said as she consciously touched her throat. "It's just not as visible as other guys'. That doesn't make me a girl. You better apologize."

"Look, unnie, I'm not going to tell anyone. It's actually fine by me. I love girls anyway. Just like you." Said Jinsoul looking at her with hope.

"No, you are not just like me! I am not allowed to love anyone! If I love a boy, they would kill me. If I love a girl and the secret comes out they would kill me and my family." Jungeun nearly shouted. "So don't compare yourself to me! You don't know anything!"

"Oh, really? I don't know anything? I don't know what it feels like to love someone and feel guilty about it? I don't have any idea what it feels like when you can't just reach the person you love and kiss them, huh? I am ignorant of the feeling of being born as a mistake? Think again, unnie!" shouted back Jinsoul, equally angered.

"I love girls, okay? I love everything about them, just as I get repulsed by men. But I loved a particular girl, back in my hometown. I loved her with everything I had, I still do. She was my playmate, friend, and servant throughout my entire life. Just until a month ago, when I finally convinced her that I loved her for real, I would die for her if she asked, my father, found out. He was outraged. He beat me and tried to kill her but I stepped in and managed to save her life. She was exiled and I had to agree to get married right away. So if you reject me, unnie, I won't live to see another day, probably."

As Jinsoul sobbed on her shoulder, Jungeun tried to comfort her. "Please, unnie, help me live. I will help you get over the princess and I will try to forget Haseul and love you with all I've got. Please. Please..." Jinsoul trailed on as she cried harder.

"Where was she exiled? Haseul?" asked Jungeun, a plan forming in her mind.

"Why?" Jinsoul asked, a hiccup disturbing her voice.

"Because I hate to see lovers apart."

Jungeun was going to help Jinsoul with her love. She would see these girls together, even if that was the last thing she did.