𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬

i met him in the morning.
it was beautiful then,
and i had hidden out in the
bathroom for a good fifteen
minutes before getting the courage
to go to my next class.
i was afraid of what lie ahead and
had taken pain medication
to soothe the pounding in my head.
i walked into the classroom,
picking up the cup as i went.
when i sat down, i immediately got
out my phone and texted my best
friend.
somehow she had managed to
get all the cute ones in her classes.
again.
had i not looked up to see
the teacher run in late, i probably
would not have seen him out
of the corner of my eye.
he took my breath away and made
me smile ever so slightly.
i could feel forever welling up in
the back of my throat
and could sense something good in
the way i shivered when his
clear eyes met mine.
and now, ten months since i've seen
those eyes,
my heart has finally knitted itself
back together.
he chose her over me as if it
were between winter and summer.
i don't blame him,
yet sometimes i wish i could have
made him stay.
i wish i could have captivated him
and i wish i could have been
smarter or prettier or wiser then.
but i wasn't.
he is the reason i have lost faith in
love and why my heart used to
break when i saw a boy and a girl
who had made it work.
he was the reason i used to cry
myself to sleep.
he was the reason my heart broke
and my days were dark.
he was the reason so many songs are
now ruined for me.
he was the reason i fell out of love
with poetry for so long.
he was the reason for everything.
and he is still the reason i
refuse to fall in love with anyone
that isn't him...

written on: december 20th, 2020