Dear Sarah

That night

      "I hope she shows up", I tell myself in the dark of the night.
   I am spending my entire waiting time looking at my phone. Anyone could realize from my toneless expression that I'm completely bored with my life. I had spent years being alone. Pfft... even the fact I am depending on a fucking straight girl is reflectant on how low my chances are. She's perfect for me, though... Her pretty pearly blue eyes... I can't get her out of my head. Ugh and that hair. She had her hair done up like Pam from The Office. Only difference being the fact it's blonde. Anyway, anyway... I hope she gets here soon.

   While we wait, I might as well tell you a story to set in my character a bit more. I'm 22. I was born in Toledo, around 1993. Here's where my first lesbian encounter went. I was moved to Pittsburgh around 13 years old. Growing up, we'd always get clothes from our grandparents. My grandma had forgotten (many times) that my older brother was 16 and not 13. I'd always take the clothes annddd well since my breasts are kinda small I would pass for a boy. Either a boy or a skater girl. So... Yeah this one girl had told me she liked me. Back then I had thought I was straight. I didn't want to break her heart and agreed to go out with her. She kissed me right there in the hallway. Unfortunately, while we were dating, I told her. We didn't see each other again... I wish I had known... we could have been together longer. I bet she looks amazing being older now. 

   Oh! I hear her! I am hiding behind a large modern art installment and she's right behind it. I see her. Oh no what do I say-

   "Oh hey! Rebecca! I didn't expect to see you here! A friend of mine wanted to meet me here. Have you seen him?" Sarah interrogated me with such question. I don't know how to answer...

   "O-Oh well a-actually-" I tried to answer but hesitantly

   "Ooh was it Jerry? Come on! Please tell me it was Jerry. Or Carl!" she interjected swiftly

   How the fuck do I tell her... O-Oh wait! Why am I shy? I'm a butch lesbian who doesn't need pity! I'm gonna tell her right now!

   "Sarah-!", I boomed, "It's me. I am the secret admirer. You're just too cute for you to be guessing like that."

   Sarah... um... Sarah fell silent... Oh no oh fuck... Oh fuck oh no... I ruined everything I ruined everything please please please. Oh fuck. SUFFERING SAPPHO WHAT HAVE I DONE-

   "It's okay-", she had said. She also said something else but that soothing soft voice had calmed my thoughts completely like it's a guided mindfullness meditation. In terms of colour, her voice is lavender pink. It was just... brilliant.... I don't know how to describe her voice.

   "I- I'm sorry what did you say?" I ask

   "Well... Y'know... You shouldn't worry to much.", she gave in a giggle, "After all... You don't know how I feel yet."

   A long pause filled the conversation. All that can be heard is my slowly slowing down heartbeat and the Erie waves crashing against the dock's floodwalls. All that I can think about is what I should be saying, but those words I cannot. How would I describe my feelings to every last surviving detail, without having myself spend 3,000 years on a book. Hell I mean by that time I'd probably be the 2nd 10th muse.

   "W-Well... How do you feel...?", I ask, and once again it's just filled with the waves of Lake Erie battling it out with the solid concrete we stand upon. I just need to know.... I need answers...

   "Well,", she began "Reading your notes over the past months, I had always felt a strong romantic feeling... And always associated them with a female voice... I've felt very strong feelings towards you ever since the first word of the note..."

   I am listening very closely. With every word, it echoed in my head sentence to sentence after she had finished speaking and took a long pause for me to collect my thoughts. I don't blush very often but this one time, I can feel cherry blossoms sprouting from my cheeks. A neat flourescent pink like that of a early maid's ballgown going to a royal dance on an oddly warm early autumn morning. I can't help it... I must get her to tell me more.

   As I part my lips, she continues. "Rebecca,", she began as she looked up into my eyes, her eyes looking like the sea upon a reef in the Gulf Of Mexico glistening in the summer sunlight, "As rose pedals wilt, will your love for me not?"

   Instantly, I knew we were both in love. I wasn't the only lesbian in this goddamn city. I was merely in a buffet, looking for the right pastry to fill my mouth. In this case, my mouth was my life and she was my pastry. I couldn't let her down. I have to keep her promise.

   I catch my breath and hug her tightly. Her warm embrace had sent me into heaven. It was like I was hugging a net of feathers in a wheat field off in the distant state of Nebraska. I love her... It's the truth. I love her way too much and she was just... perfect for me. Everything about her makes her seem like a gift straight from my dreams.

   We talked a bit more about our feelings. The night was frigid, but our words kept each other warm. She was a candle and my heart was a furnace. That, and vice versa. Anyway, the highlight of my night was when she invited me over her place for tea. I can tell she's done this before... maybe not with another girl but definitely with any other gender. Holy shit... It's hard to explain my feelings for her. Not like I care about having to explain it. I've said it a million times that I'm in love. I just can't get a single aspect of her out of my head.

   We drove to her place. It's the end of this part, but don't worry. This next scene will probably be more blissful than this part. So long for now. Sarah and I will not let you down.