Ever Since New York // H.S. - ON HOLD

CHAPTER 33 - NARCISSISTIC SON OF A...

She's a long one...

Enjoy :)

. . .

"Fuck! Why did I agree to this?" I grovel as I fall back on my bed, overtop the comforter and plethora of pillows.

"Mamas!" Ginny gasps. "Das a no no word!" She screams, scolding me for my foul language as she jumps up on the bed beside me.

"Sorry, love." Wincing as I kiss the top of her head softly, I grab my phone where it rests on the bedside table.

I have been on FaceTime with Cara for the past 30 minutes, hoping she will somehow be able to convince me that meeting Harry's friends is in fact a good idea. We have only been together officially for two weeks and have known each other for less than three, yet Cara swears him and I are moving slower than molasses.

She doesn't know about why I escaped to LA. Only that Ginny's father is a shitty ex of mine who I don't want to hear from anymore. If she knew the whole story, I am sure she wouldn't pressure me to go out and meet people, or to spice things up with Harry.

In addition to effortlessly running a media outlet, sex comes just as naturally to Cara. I could be swimming in pennies by now if I had one for every time she gave me the knitty gritty of her after-hour affairs.

It's not that sex doesn't appeal to me anymore, I mean I am human. It is just that after being a victim of sexual assault, sex and all things that come with it become extremely difficult and it is easier for me to avoid the hurdle rather than overcome it.

The amount of insecurities I have has grown tenfold since the start of my twenties—especially after Peter. I wish I could just be like Cara and command attention and pleasure from those I desire, but it is not that easy. I can barely look at myself in the mirror most days, there is no way I can seduce someone.

Lisa thinks the best way for me to overcome my trauma with sex is to gain back the control that Peter took away from me in regards to it. Obviously, I need to work on my confidence and self-esteem more first, but she thinks that Harry seems to be understanding enough to know that the sexual aspect of our relationship has to be completely in my control.

Him and I haven't quite talked about that yet—mainly because I'm a coward—but it will happen eventually.

I just hope I am not an utter disappointment to him in the meantime.

"Are you even listening to me?" Cara exclaims, taping on her phone screen as if she was actually able to touch me.

"What? Sorry." I give her a weak smile, hoping she won't ask any questions about where my head was at.

"I said you need to wear those cute faded jeans and the lacey crop top I gave you for your birthday. You're going to look so hot, Ev. There's no way Harry won't want to shag you on the spot if—"

"—There will be no shagging, Cara! I already told you this." Yelling as I interrupt her, I finally rise from my bed and walk back into my closet. Hearing Ginny's little footsteps padder in my trail, I scoop her up in my arms as we pass through the threshold.

"I don't understand why." She rolls her eyes as she sips on her glass of wine. "It's been three months. You're hot. He is sexy as fu—"

"Cara!" I scold her as I feel Ginny's small hands press over various parts of my face.

"Why yous say Mamas is hot? She don't feels hot." She furrows her eyebrows, turning her attention to Cara on my phone screen.

I can't help but break out into a beaming smile and laugh at how insanely cute Ginny is. Cara does the same, nearly choking on her wine at the same time.